Finally

After almost a year and a half of wondering what this plant would eventually do, I got my answer today as I walked through the door to my patio. I have no idea what the plan it actually because it came in a packet of wildflower seeds. Finally though, it's blooming and there are more blossoms waiting to open. Viola, the miracles of the earth.



So it may seem lame to be excited about a flower blooming, but when you wait and wonder what the damn thing is going to do, and then if just up and blossoms...well that really is rather magikal. (yes with a K because that's the real stuff to us pagans)

In reading a friend's blog today, it made me think of my past again. I spend a great deal of time back there actually. I wonder what my first seudo-boyfriend is doing. I wonder if I would even want to talk to him. I doubt it after what he put me through. But, it also made me realize that I have known some of my friends for most of my life. My buddy Steve and I met in Junior high when I was a fat kid that got picked on. He was the kind dorky band kid. The outcasts came together rather rapidly after that, but none of them has been a friend like Steve has.

I don't know if I miss high school. I don't know if I miss anyone from there really. I do wonder what some of them are up to. I wonder who's married now, who has kids, who's in the gutter and who's in the mansion. Four years of your life, you interact with these people. That's actually a really long time if you think about it. Four years I spent in the Red Dragon Players. Four years of the drama, of not being able to tell anyone that I was gay, of hiding from everyone. Funny how it comes back to you sometimes.

What seems even odder to me is that in all this time I have spent on this planet, I've always been a jewish mother to some degree. I'm the idiot that gives kids on the street change, or a couple of bucks because I feel for them. I know what it's like to be homeless. I've been there twice now. It's frightening, and it's lonely, and you begin to feel less than human. I guess I'm a "bleeding heart". It just bothers me when I see someone that I'd like to help, and not know how to do it. Sometimes though, you have to let them help themselves. I learned that painfully in the first person.

And that brings me back to the garden. My plants. My buddy J is going to pull up a perfectly good fuscia plant because it's not doing what he wants. A living, breathing entity. He's just going to toss it out in the trash. (well not if I get there first and give it a good home here) What the hell does that say about people? If you can't have the patience to take care a plant, and nurse it and prune it to make it grow better, then what roll do I play in his world? Plants are like children. Now granted, while I will do everything I can to bring a plant back to health, if it dies I don't really cry, but I do wonder why and then go off and buy a new one for the empty pot. It's just as easy as putting them out in the sun(if they like that) and making sure they have water. How hard is that? Prune off the dead stuff, feed them once in a while, moved them out of the sun if they look burned or aren't doing well. I can do this for a plant, but I don't know how to fix people.

There are times that I simply wish I could throw my arms around the world and squeeze a little, just to offer comfort, or make it smile. Maybe that's all I can do. Maybe it's my "gift". Maybe I'm a sucker, but I don't think so. To be able to reach out into the void of space and off just a bit of a hand to someone...well, that's what I think is important. So I offer my garden to you all. A little something to look at and hopefully smile about. Just think of it as my cosmic arms wrappin' around you in a squishy hug way and saying, "I know it can be bad, but I'm here if ya need me."

Peace