Not about sex

Now I know what you're thinking with a title like that but I'm sorry to disappoint you by saying this isn't about sex. Oh my god...did I just say Sex? SEX SEX SEX! Ok. Sorry but it's been a hell of a week mentally for me so I'm gonna let off all the steam I got if I want. But this still isn't about sex.

I think my sex drive is out of whack. I'm wondering if maybe, just maybe, I broke it somewhere along the lines of being single this long. (And not breakin THAT thank you very much...it's still in one piece). Starting to feel rather abnormal again about the whole situation. Then again, I was never comfortable with the concept of hooking up with someone I didn't know. Still, I see that happen a lot and it seems to work out fine for other folks. So, back to question A "Am I abnormal?" Then there's the fact that everyone I work with is straight. Big deal, they know I'm gay and don't care. Now the wierd part is that half of the guys are friggin horndogs who talk to me about girls all the time. They always have a comment like "god that's a nice ass" or something like that which bring to mind question B which is "I don't constantly think about sex with the guys I think are attractive. Am I abnormal?"

See, sex is just a wierd thing in general sometimes. It's not that I don't think about it, but I normally don't. My fantasies actually revolve around seeing someone I find attractive and kissing them, snuggling up close with them, not er...boning them. Now, I will admit that when I do find myself "in the mood", seems to come on like tidal wave and then it's gone (my god but this sounds dirtier every time I try to word it....bear with me here folks).

I'm a horrible flirt. I mean horrible as in very good at it. Hell, I'll flirt with just about anyone as long as I'm comfortable with them. If I don't know them, I just keep my thoughts to myself. I like the little flirting games though. I flirt with my old theater friends to the point where sometime I'm scared it might go too far. That brings us back to sex doesn't it? Cause truthfully, in the long run for me, I could kinda care less about sex in general. (specifics I won't go into cause those are my dirty fantasies and you'll have to buy them if I write them)

Ya know...my dream? Being able to go to sleep next to someone, putting my arm across their chest or his arm across mine and when we wake up...I get to say something like "hey gorgeous" and kiss them. After that? A nice snuggle session followed by more kissing maybe and probably a shower and breakfast. (Well, at least some coffee of I'll be a major bear) Sex just seems secondary for the most part. Still, it would be nice to get laid every once in a while :)

Before I head out of here and off to bed, or rather futon, just wanted to let someone know I was thinking of him. Not gonna name names here but, things will be ok my friend. I'll be here if you need me, or want to talk.

So...(whoo), thanks to D for giving me the idea of colorizing my blog a little more. (and you're a hoot man! I was reading some of your other postings tonight) Just wanted to doll out a couple of big hugs to ya all, cause sometimes ya just need to. So...HUGS. :)