Today

Do you ever feel like you're living a song? I mean really, song titles come through my brain at a fevered pace lately to explain to me what's happening in my life. Then again my world somewhat revolves around music. It's the one saving grace I can always fall back on when times are wierd, or bad, or good. Stuff to uplift you, stuff to mellow you out, stuff to make you want to cry, stuff to make you shake it all cross the floor. (which in my case is about to be vacumed)

Let's just say that the past two weeks have been a bit surreal. I know part of it was adjusting to getting back from two trips and two concerts. It's a bit disorienting when you don't really go anywhere much. After all, it had been two years almost since I had taken my last vacation from work. At that point, I had gone to Disneyland with my fam for the first time. So, two years later, I wound up back there again...with my brother and sister.

Now the reason I bring this up is partially because there is a great let down after coming home from vacation. Post partum blues I guess. And the wierdest thing is not realizing how much I wish I was in the park where things are always nice, and clean, and....well happy. So I started realizing that the shop I work for sometimes is really just a very negative place. I'm not sure if this has to do with co-workers, customers, or me. Not all my customers are annoying, and as a matter of fact there are at least two that I can say I love very much. They've become very good friends. But the others....well day to day drudgery can get to you and I am highly considering how to change this. I need to break routine life, but I'm not sure exactly how that is going to come about yet.

And this all begs the question to me again of, "what are you doing with your life?" Don't know how many of you question this and/or how often but it's really a stickler. On one hand, there is nothing wrong with my job and my studio. On the other, I have little money and seemingly no time to go out at night without the peril of waking up late for work (which can NOT happen). So where is the medium? Is it in another job that's more an 8-5? Is it in me myself? Questions question questions. They are truly annoying to me. The reason being, I can't find the answers yet and I think I know how to get them but I never seem to have that time I so want to just wander somewhere in the woods and talk to what I believe in. (Yes I believe that nature helps you think things through better because there are less distractions)

Well, hopefully this is not the downer of a post as my last one was. Just surfice to say that life can kick ya in the balls at times and all you can do, or rather all I try to do, is try to stay standing and smiling like nothing happened. Hell, I'm like a cockroach. Seriously, I am I think sometimes. I've been in places where I probably should have been dead or stark raving mad by now...but I'm still here and going strong. More to the point, whether I like it or not sometimes, I'm a surivor.

I know that a lot of folks blog about politics, music, what have you....but for now this is my online diary of sorts until further notice. Cryptic messages may appear, things may seem random. That's life though. Cryptic and random babies.

Back to cleaning my hovel ;)

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!