Saturday night

Feeling like I should write something. Feeling like there is more to be told but for some reason it's not being told to me by me. One of those odd feelings of knowing that there is something on your mind that seemed important but obviously it was fleeting.

Tomorrow I will wake early. I plan on 6:30am on a Sunday, one of my day's off when I can sleep in. Why? Because I'm a fool who wants to own a Nintendo Wii. What silliness this is in reality. It's just as silly as wanting to see a movie opening day, when you know that you would see it any other given day. There's no need to own it tomorrow. There is simply a want.

While the day was mellow today, and I did sleep past when I normally would have been up any day during the week, I feel tired. I feel slightly off today because I haven't actually heard his voice today. Long talks into the night definately make up for the lack of sleep I sometimes have. And there is always the option of a nap midday any given day of the week. Still, I miss it. Perhaps that's the problem. I want him here now. Right now it's not feasable, but it's what I wish for. Why? Because I want to have him there to wake up next to.

Finally, tonight, someone seemed excited for me again. At work I showed my coworker the picture I have in my wallet and she smiled and said how happy she was for me. It's nice to hear after being ignored to some degree, or had my emotions called into question when I bring him up to people. Shouldn't my friend's be excited or happy for me? Yeah..I think they should. Things like this don't happen to me, or didn't happen to me, or haven't happend to me in a long time.

I feel like I walk a fine line sometimes. I walk that line with people where I want to help them out, but don't know what to do for them. Gman tonight obviously needed some motivational force to get him out of a funk, but I didn't know what to say. His questions had no answers from me which is unusual. Did I think that he would make a good actor? Well hell man, how should I know without seeing him try? He's feeling lost as so many people seem to be lately. I know I was. I don't know how to get them back onto a path, how to help them find a way or a walk to walk. Hell, I have enough troubles sometimes to do that for me. At least I have what I believe in to fall back on in those times.

Funny. Looking at his pictures I have to smile to myself. Looking at his picture I feel a million different emotions at the same time. I've never been exactly sure what it was like to be "in love", but I think I have a good idea. And I keep asking over and over again, this is really happening isn't it? And the only answer I can find within and without is yes. I used to run from emotions, sometimes run to them, and now it's a bit confusing but good. He's in my heart and I'm not going to let that go. And it makes me happy knowing he's out there.

Be safe. Be well. BE PROUD! Be Loved!