Wednesday and Bob Dylan

Bob Dylan's lyrics have always spoken volumes to me. He's written songs that sometimes I think were about my life and soul at times. Happy, sad, wandering, lost....my life. Bowie said in A Song For Robert Zimmerman that Dylan has a voice like "sand and glue"....but I don't care. Bob was there for me when my father died. He was there for me when we had to sell the condo I lived in with my father and I had no idea where I was going to go, or where I was going to live. Bob Dylan is about the only thing I play on guitar with the exception of the one song I ever wrote in my life. Probably the one and only. Bob has been my comfort, and the man that sings out my life.

Everything has a beginning. When it starts it's fresh and shiny and full of the wonders of what could be. And, everything has an ending. It may or may not be shiny and full of the wonder that it started out with, but it hopefully leaves a lasting mark on the Universe somehow. A statement of "I was here. I existed." It just feels like it's the time for this place to come to an end. It won't go out with a whimper, nor a bang, nor tears of either joy or sorrow. It will simply stand as the statement that I was here.

Life has a way of going up and down, sideways at times. Mine is no different from anyone else's in the world. But it's becoming more and more difficult to make myself write here. I may eventually start writing again, but it seems doubtful at the moment. I need to go out and live a non-virtual life, find my path that I feel I have wandered too far away from.

To all the wonderful people who have filled my life with friendship and joy, I am not going to be forgetting any of you.

Bob Dylan says in Like A Rolling Stone

" When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose
You're invisible now, you got no secrets to conceal.

How does it feel
How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?"

I'm feeling like that rolling stone again...so it's time to roll along a little ways and try and find where I can find that direction home.

So I leave you with a little more from Bob, something that I hope still means something to us all.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

Thank you Jon, and Rey, and Ryan, and Jim, and Albert, and Camilla, and M'lady, and all the rest of you. May the Universe smile on us all and bring us love and light.

As always...

Be safe. Be well. BE PROUD!!! Be LOVED!

May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
May you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.

Tuesday

Costa Rica was pretty amazing...of course I feel like I didn't sleep at all in the last 48 hours since I got back, but hey, how often do you get to have your boss send you to pick friggin coffee on a mountainside?

The people there were amazingly friendly, kinda, polite, nice, and all the other adjectives I can't think of. I was blow away by it. Genuinely nice people were all I seemed to meet except for one guy on the street of San Jose that hassled us for money. There are too many pictures to post.

And otherwise, the world seems to have turned, life has gone on and I have a slightly different outlook on things. I'm hoping that it all continues. Need to push myself again but maybe after tomorrow when I feel more back to the swing of things.

Life can kick ya in the head a couple of times, but sometimes that's a good thing too. Makes you start to think more, realize things that you may not have before, ponder knew questions and new options. Hard for me because I get trapped in routine a lot. Focus too hard on one or two things and forget the other stuff.

What I do know is this, I may be a fool and a hopeless (or hopefull) romantic, but I still hold fast to the concept that love with see you through anything. Sometimes it's hard to remember that. Sometimes it doesn't seem like it will, but it's one of the few things I truly have faith in. Without it, I think I'd fall to complete pieces and would shatter into all the millions of molecules of the universe.

And here's the wackiest part of it all, no matter how bad things seem to get...I realized a long time ago that love is the only truth out there, and as long as you have it...well things seem to turn out ok. Just realized that this afternoon actually. The people that you honestly love and who have that place no one else can take from you heart? They're always there. That's something I have to remember. It was kinda proved to me with a friend of mine and how things worked out between us over almost a decade of friendship now.

So fill up your hearts! Tell your friends how much you love them because ya know what? People need to hear that. Honestly, people need to hear that they are loved, and you'd be surprised at what that one simple act can do for someone.

My list is rather long for folks to say I love you to, and I would feel bad if I left anyone out but I do just want to say that I love you Jon, Mikey, Ryan, Rey, Albert, Scott, Jim, Alden, Camilla, M'lady, Ari, Marko and all my friends. My arms are always open for ya. And if you're name wasn't there it doesn't mean my arms are closed off to you. I hope that I have arms big enough to embrace the world. So go out there and embrace it yourselves!

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

Peter, Paul, and Me

A quick update to all that read this little site. I'm actually going to be gone (unlike the non-existant postings) for a week to the sunny shores of Costa Rica to see how coffee is grown and cultivate, picked and processed before it hit the shop I work for as 50lb bags of green coffee beans.

While I haven't been posting much, the cobwebs are slowly dissipating, new and grander visions of the future are brewing, and life is happening (although sometimes I don't feel like it is).

Doug said in a comment about my last post " Hopeless romantic fool. I love it." Well he's right, as most of you that read here know. I am a hopeless romantic. I do honestly believe that love is a conquering force in this Universe. Thank you to everyone that takes the time to comment here. I may not return them all the time, but they are appreciated and make me smile.

I wrote a little something while waiting for my passport to be processed the other day and I thought I'd post it here. Just a little observational poem while having a smoke, sitting by a statue on the streets of San Francisco. He was a little black bird that called out once as he shot through the intersection through the crossing crowd that day. Funny what will inspire us no?

Brazen! Reckless, incredulous
you dart in front of casual glancers, passers by, streaming metal giants.
A single sound issued forth.
A call? An Alarm? An announcement?
The world seems to care naught for you.
Do you care of the world?
And only perhaps one sees you,
watching as you streak to destinations unknown.
Like through liquid you sail past, gone to whither your whim.
And I alone watch you depart through the ethers ushered by a single call.

I've decided to leave with images lately. Pictures to remind me, and you, that there is love and good stuff out there....now let's go get it!!!




Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! BE LOVED!!

Dig this....Think Love!

What's on my mind? Love. What else?

I'm not exactly back to writing here yet. Not until I get the cobwebs under control and sort through the boxes that I have left for far too long in the back recesses. May take a while, but it's got to be done. For now though, I simply wanted to send out some love into the universe. I just think that we all could use a little more of it right now. And honestly, what's better than seeing two guys kissing when it looks like they really mean it?

So dig it! THINK LOVE! (hm...maybe I need to put that on a T-shirt)


Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be LOVED!!

Happy New Year

Sing out for the New Year, the old year goes out, the new year comes in, and we're still together singing...laughing....and trying to love each other.

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

A beginning

Closed for remolding, remodeling, rebuilding, re-invigorating.....

I need a break. I need a break from everything, not just work, not just the day to day endless drone but from everything. There aren't really words anymore. There are only constant things I need to fix be it in here in my grey cells, my life, or at work. I need a life again. This space is not going away, but I am for a while.

I'm sadly not finding it hard to walk away from here for a while. I think that's the point. I used to be a relatively fun person, quirky, silly at times, and lately I feel like I'm just a bitch at heart. Last night I realized I need to redefine my life, but that can't be done in pixelated 1's and 0's. It has to be done away from the job that is currently my life, and away from being online more than out in the real world.

In terms of the Tarot, I am the Hermit again. I am out there searching with my light to try and find the wisdom, but I'm getting waylaid every time I start that search. So in true Hermitical style, I'm abandoning my "home" for a while to live out side of the ruckuss. I hope that when I do come back that I'll be even more sagely, better adapted to handle all the thorns and annoyances of day to day life.

Search for me in the stars if you wish. I always find myself looking up there at them. Perhaps we'll be meeting up there for a while until I come back to this place and tell the tales. Currently though, I feel like an artist staring at a blank canvass wondering if his first pencil stroke towards a painting is in the wrong place, or will create not what he wanted, or if he can find the painting in the void.

As McCarther said, "I shall return."
Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be LOVED!!!!

Friday/Saturday

Christmas came early for me. I've had a package sitting here in the studio. I wanted to open it, but I just stared at it for what seemed like forever. It was from Jon, and I just wanted to peak into it....but I didn't. That is...until last night when my package to him arrived at his house. I got two presents, and one wasn't in the box.

My family had a tradition of opening stuff on Christmas Eve. I've always tried to have one thing to open on Christmas day because that's when "Santa" would have left us kids the "big" present. But...I wanted to open our presents together, me and Jon on the phone becuase it was going to be the closest thing I would have to actually being there with him. So to me, that was a major part of my present was being able to open his (and yes there is a picture), and him open mine together. I couldn't think of anything better really....although what he sent me is so friggin amazing that I'm sharing it with you all.

For those that don't know, Jon created these himself. He made them, mached them, painted them and they are absolutely amazing pieces of art. He sent me the three in the background of the picture (Alice Cooper, Pee Wee Herman, and a Gangster that I think ROCKS!). The Wolf and Red Ridinghood I bought from him several months ago. The Dogfish and Catsfish were presents he sent me and ya know what....they're all amazing. I've never really had any artworks before...just posters on the wall, but now I have something that reminds me again and again how wonderful, talented, and amazing he is.

Sometimes, someone comes into your life for a reason. They don't have to know it, and sometimes you don't either. It just happens. For me, I just know that I'm a lucky man to have him in my life. Christmas doesn't mean spend tons of money on me....not to me. It means that the present you send comes from the heart, and he knew that I'd love these guys and gave them to me. THAT means a lot to me. Sure presents are nice, expensive stuff is nice, but to have something that someone made with all the effort behind it...priceless! I am eternally greatful to have someone like this in my life. I'm glad that the Universe stepped in and said, "Here. This is a person who will appreciate you, and who you will appreciate." Just another testiment to love in my book.

Thank you Jon for my kids, for you kids who are now my kids. You can come and visit them anytime.

Be Safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!