Saturday, December 31, 2005
Now, if I were more adventurous I would be out there somewhere in San Fran with tassels on my titties....but being a relatively sane person, I'm here at home safe and sound. (Believe me, I actually thought twice about going out to dinner tonight at 6pm because I don't like the idea of drunk drivers) I got me a videogame, had me a little sumthin in the coffee, and I get to sleep in tomorrow (I hope).
So resolutions? I resolve not to have a resolution but like I was sayin tonight to Ryan on the phone (and I'll probably tell Rey this too), We're all gonna have a great year even if I have to kill everyone to do it ;) Of course being a pacifist that could be difficult. Now what I think I'm gonna try and work on though this year is losing about 10 pounds and being a little more fearless in my life. (Spencer if you wanna teach me how to do that I'll be a willing pupil)
It's been a bit of an odd year all in all. During this year I saw two folks from the coffee shop pass away. Mind ya, since I have been doing this morning manager thing for about 2 years or more people become a little bit like family if you see them every day. I lost a friend my friend Gerald as well. Now this isn't to be a downer, this is to celibrate these people. Hell, just go and read what Gerald had written in his blog and you'll see that he was amazing. Persian Guy has a great posting up right now and that kinda got me to thinking. So, tonight I celibrate Gerald's life. (no disrespect to my friends from the shop...but Gerald was definately a fierce funny and fearless guy that I grew to love dearly)
This year too I found out I was an Uncle via my relative (ok..my blood relation brother) and that I'll be an uncle in this coming year thanks to D & H. I rekindled old friendships, and I lost some folks in the frey of the year. I know they are still out there, but we've just kinda lost touch. (and I still love them tons reguardless)
So what's the new year to bring me? Well, M'lady feels it's gonna be a good one and I'm gonna trust her insticts ;) I have a video to shoot in a couple of months, I have a keyboard to make music on, I have GREAT friends that keep me going...well hell's bells. What the hell else do I need? (ok a better paying job and a vacation would be nice but we all want something and if wishes were horses then beggers woud ride!)
So again, to everyone who comes here whether you comment or not, HAPPY NEW YEAR! I know that I don't comment all the time on folks blogs that I read, but I'm reading nonetheless so I can make sure you're all safe and sound and happy (and if not I'll do my best to try and cheer ya up if I can). Be safe out there tonight if you're out partying, if not, you best be havin SOME kinda fun wherever you may be.
PEACE LOVE UNITY RESPECT
(something I learned from Raving actually that still remains in my mind today)
I'm sure I'll be updating things as time goes along today. I'm planning on going to the fams for dinner tomorrow and have to make a mousse tonight whilest waiting for Rey to call me (and me to call him...it's a New Years time zone thing), and callin Ryan as well. So, I'm off to store to see what kinda Ka-Ching I get this time with Coinstar and my bag o' change!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
|Your Brain's Pattern|
You have a dreamy mind, full of fancy and fantasy.
You have the ability to stay forever entertained with your thoughts.
People may say you're hard to read, but that's because you're so internally focused.
But when you do share what you're thinking, people are impressed with your imagination.
Well it's the half way mark childrens. Yup, this weekend the year will be over. How the hell did happen? Where the hell did the year go, and has it really been over six months since I started writing this (and people actually still come back to hear me rant and rave and vent! Amazing!) little project? It still boggles my mind sometimes to think that a scant 6 years ago I was out at a rave for New Years (and yes I was having the time of my life). Me and him were there before everything went a bit sour. Skipping ahead to last year...I don't even remember it. I think I was sitting around here playing video games hehe. Wierd how life progresses.
I do think about the past a lot actually. Rather I look at how I got here, and sometimes (well most of the time) scratch that big ol' head of mine and wonder. There are so many little things that happen to us that make such a big difference in our lives ya know? For instance:
IF I hadn't met Larry, I wouldn't have started blogging.
IF I hadn't started blogging, I wouldn't have met my little brother Ryan who called me out of the blue tonight and put a big ol' grin on my face because of it.
IF I hadn't kept going with the blog I wouldn't have met so many great people who I now consider my friends.
Ya see? One little incident from what sometimes seems like yesterday although it was a long time ago has made my life better. And like I said, I sit here scratchin my head because I don't know what the alternative would have been. I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth though! Guess there are just time when all you can do is be happy in your reflections of what has come your way. I do wonder what my life would have been like if I had a boyfriend...if I had more money...if I had a better job...but ya know what? Maybe that's what next year will be bringin and I'll eventually sit around scratchin my head wondering how I got there! Now, the trick is to make this happen through out all of next year that some minor thing will cause the major happiness to grow (for all of us).
And that brain pattern up there? Yup, I am a dreamer. Me and John Lennon. I didn't have much to write about tonight actually, mostly wanted to just say how happy I was because I got that surprise call tonight. All in all, this has shaped up to be a pretty good year. I know I have bigger dreams to dream next year, ones to try and make come true. Maybe that's what being a dreamer is really all about...finding those wierd ways that no one else would have ever imagined to get you where you want to be. Maybe I'll see the answers in a dream tonight. Who knows? :)
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Ya ever feel like you're putting all your energy in the wrong place? I was thinking again tonight (yeah I know....bad idea hehe) and realized that in July...well it'll be my birthday that month and that means I got 6 months to turn my life around and make it what I want it to be. Now don't get me wrong, I ain't saying my life is down in the sewer, but it could be soooo much more. I know that, but I's got a case of the "I'm a lazy ol' bastard" blues. Keep wrackin my brain as to what I could be doing in terms of a job that would pay me better, better hours, paid vacations and benefits blah blah blah. Well babies, i'm at wits end to tell ya the truth. I was trained for theatre and now I find myself working as a manager and with the public. So where does that put me? I don't have a clue.
And another thing, I need to get out more dammit. I swear if I don't find a way to break out of this somewhat self imposed shell I live in, I'm gonna be that old man with 10,000 cats (which isn't such a bad thing). I was talkin with Rey (he with the way too cute new puppy) tonight and realized I have absolutely no plans for New Years Eve. D&H will probably be celibrating her birthday which is the 31st, Desi and Didi have to work, and J doesn't exactly "go out" anymore so....what's a single guy to do? A club? Ya know how intimidating it is to go in by yourself? I may be verbose when I get to know folks, or when I'm in my element but in that situation....well let's just say that my name of Shadow fits all too well at that point. I blend in real well to the background and try and have a good time but it's always more fun going out with friends.
God, I paint a bleak picture hehe. Still, ya know somethin's gotta give eventually right? right? (he asks looking hopefully doubtful) Ah well, we'll see. At least I'll have a little dosh to take with me next weekend to see Lestat. You better believe I'm comin back with chochsky! T-shirts, posters, soundtract (if available), key rings, hats...you name it. I've never been to see a world premier of a show before so this is one of the big ones on my Best of Broadway line up!
Someone remind me and I'll sit down and tell you all bout what happens when you make toffee...and why you need a chisel! For now, I gotta go and get some sleep. Half way day tomorrow...almost the weekend again when I can sleep until there is not sleep left to be slupt...er..sleeped...er..slepted upon. :)
Hope everyone has slightly recovered from the Christmas tide, and for my friends that are celibrating it, happy Second Night! (or third because I may be off by a day) Shalom everyone.
Hey....shout out to a sexy, sweet and most wonderous guy named Ryan who sometimes needs to be reminded that he brings a lot of happiness into folks lives. I love ya little brother.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Saturday, December 24, 2005
What a day what a day. Didn't start out the best at 5am (one of these days I'll learn how to sleep in on a Saturday when I'm tired) then back to bed, then up at 7, then turning on the Tv for cartoons which put me back to sleep until 10. Yup, see what happens when you work the early morning shifts? Can you say body regulation? :)
But what a great afternoon and evening! I got to talk for a long time to Ryan (best little brother in the world!) and talked to Rey a little before he had to take off. Then it was off to the shop to deliver Rum Balls and Toffee to my boss (who's envelope I haven't opened yet...KaChing!), over to D & H's for a little present swapping (and I still have one to open tomorrow!), then dinner with Didi and Desi who both have to work tonight :(
Well, after a lovely steak dinner with the fam it was back to theirs to have them open my present to them, and looky looky what my sister made for my door!
She patterned it after Nightmare Before Christmas! (did I mention that she's also the one that made my coat that I'm so proud of?) Well there we are having a couple of laughs before they have to head to work when there's a knock on the door. Viola! My little sister Chryssa and my other brother Dave! The whole family managed to be in the same place at the same time for Christmas! Now who the hell says that there ain't no magik left in the world? And just now, I just got off the phone with my actual brother in Texas who was calling to say Merry Christmas. Will wonders never cease hehehe.
So it's been a pretty magical night for me tonight. All this love comin from every direction and I'm so damn happy I could just burst open like a Champagne bottle that's been shaken up! Of course, I, being the obessed blogger than I am felt the need to tell ya all. Who else to spread the joy of this night and holiday to but those that have made my life a little bit better just by reading their sites, or them commenting here? So to all of you out there, whoever you are, where ever you are....I wish nothing but love and happiness for the rest of the holiday season...and through all of next year, and the next, the years to come!
If I knew I could have gotten the damnedable audioblogger to actually work for me, I would have posted me singing this to you all. It's my favourite holiday song because I think it really says what we all think around this time.
Friday, December 23, 2005
While it's feeling a bit late here for me, I was just thinkin bout things in general and how so many folks have affected my life in wierd ways. It seems almost like we've all agreed somehow that whether we meet, or not, we're there for each other. How many folks can really say that about their day to day life off line? I know I can't really. Now this isn't a cry me a river moment but more of an observation. See, I try and let you all into my life, or give you the window into it, and you've all done the same for me. That's a pretty cool gift to give someone, to be open and allow them in. And ya know, I'm not entirely sure what I'd be doing if I hadn't started this site. I know I wouldn't have met so many great friends like I have.
My cooking trials and tribulations are over luckily. Now it's just about doling out the goodies and trying to muddle through the weekend. I know that after a good night's sleep I'm going to be more perky but let me tell ya babies...my cha-cha heels are in need of resouling right now ;) Still, with tomorrow being what it is, I'm off to see King Kong with D & H and then dinner with Didi and Desi and finally dinner on Sunday with the Bs. And I still have to work on Monday? WTF ? :)
Fear not though gentle campers and readers....I still may have a trick or two up my sleeve for tomorrow and Sunday. You never know. I do know I'm gonna go through my phone making calls, and hell, I may even sing to ya if I had your number (don't be afraid..I actually can sing thank you very much). Granted, with the wierd schedual I'm going to under, I'm not entirely sure when I'll be calling but it's one of those great ideas of mine...we'll see if I can pull that one off.
I do want to mention something about my friend Larry. See, Larry is a good guy. I don't often say that but I should. If you know him, you know what's recently happened and so I ask that you keep him in your thoughts. After all this time of reading his site, I know that he's strong enough to make it through but...it's Christmas and he needs to know that folks love him so, drop by his site..zap him a comment or an email. I don't know if he's going to be responding much, if at all.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
I keep forgetting, almost literally, that it's gonna be Christmas on Saturday because I keep thinking about what I have to get done before then. How sad is that? My buddy Rey summed up some of what I was feeling lately on his site. It's as if Christmas this year just is bothersome to some degree. There's the cooking I'm doing, trying to find last minute presents, and the wrapping and it's all just boiling down to not enough time or energy sometimes. Now last year if y'all had seen me I was like a little kid! I had everyone's presents and if I didn't I was searching the stores like a bull in a china shop. I took no prisoners last year in getting folks Christmas stuff. Now...I almost can't wait for it to be over.
You might have noticed I changed my image over there for the holidays. I call that picture, "Angel with a Tree on Top" ;) Much silliness from a couple of years ago at my friend's house. And what with me, Desi and Didi going to have dinner Saturday and a true family dinner around the 1st...well there will be more silliness to come!
I kinda wonder what it is about this season that makes us all so crazy. I know I had dreamed of presents like everyone else I'm sure, but I really enjoy seeing folks faces light up when they open theirs more. I don't know if that's selfish of me, but it does seem a bit odd. Granted, I tend to get some wacky and cool stuff from my friends so I bet my face lights up as well hehe. Now it's just a question of timing.
My sweet little Camilla got her card so I'm wondering anyone else got theirs yet here in states. I'm hoping that the mail gets them to ya in time. I'm embarrased because I had planned to send cards to everyone I knew and I only sent 4 out this year. So..there ya go, limitted edition Shadowmichael cards! Swap em with your friends! Sell them for big bucks on Ebay! Or...just let me know if they got to ya hehe.
Well tomorrow I'm off to see Walk The Line at 7, and that leaves me the afternoon to finish some cooking and try and find 2....count em 2! more presents. Gonna make me daft I swear. And the more I think of things, the more I don't care about money right now. To hell with budgets and such the like because when it comes to friends and family, ya just wanna give right? So, if I wind up a little broke for the first of the year, I'll know it was worth it. And I know I won't starve because I have folks that care about me and will take care of me in their own ways.
Two days folks....counting down to Santa Time! (now doesn't that just sound like a bad Disco show on Tv? Kinda a cross between Soul Train, American Bandstand, and a really bad variety hour holiday show? Hm..I think I have something new to push to the studios next year.) I got my stocking up on my door although I'm not sure if he's gonna know what to do cause I don't have a chimney. Maybe he's just gonna dole it out to folks that need things more than me and ya know...my little brother Ryan was right, there's folks that are so much worse off than me that need it more.
Still...I'm hoping to get a little something here and there this Christmas ;)
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Why is this important? Well for one it just goes to prove to me that the Universe does care about me. Sounds silly possibly but I needed to have a friend call tonight. I needed someone that wanted to be there talking to me and so Tonio was part of the equation. The Goddess, or the Universe, or whatever it may be listens to your heart. They really do. When you least expect it, and when you sometimes need it the most, they give you exactly what you need. So thanks Tonio (even if you don't know my blogsite) for the chat and for being such a sweetheart.
Better than anything though, I will be dining Christmas Eve with my brother and sister before they have to go to work. I had this horrid feeling I was going to be alone and hating it, but there was that call and I know again I am NOT alone out here in Cali. (cause I know no matter where I go in the world some of you will always be with me in my heart and soul) Nice to know that I will be with my family for Christmas.
Work was work. There was no Ben. There was a slightly bitchy coworker though and that made matters a bit...well, annoying. The clock moved in a fashion that was waaaaay too slow for me for the better part of the day.
I got home. I call up my friend J who I was supposed to go up to SF with today to look for presents. It is roughly 1:30. He calls me back after a bit and tells me he and his other need to go to a store and look for something and will call when they're done and we can go. When he arrives it is roughly 3:30. I am not happy.
We drive up to SF in the slight rain which makes traffic all snarly gnarly but eventually arrive in SF and park. [Note: I had told him I had thing I needed to do this evening so therefore time was a bit important to me] It is more than likely 5pm. We walk to Lush and I can't make up my mind for a long time. Finally I decided on two items and we hit the FCUK store (possible bad idea on the pocket book) where I find a shirt I must have because it was 40% off. Now the shopping is done. It is roughly 6pm.
J and other are discussing food and dinner. Should they eat up there in SF at the Cheesecake Factory? (rather expensive for my pocket at the moment) I pipe up with "Um, guys I really have to get my stuff done at work" They decide to eat back down here somewhere and on the road of rain and snarly gnarly traffic....an accident. We finally arrive back at Chez Shadow around 8ish. I head to work, do my do, go and find a burger with my name on it at Jack's place and here I am.
Now I ask ya....why didn't we just not go? Granted I got some stuff I wanted and a couple of presents for folks but damn...it's 9pm and I'm just now eating and I didn't make a damn thing today which means I need to make at least two different recipies tomorrow. All of this because of time. If I had known they weren't going to show until after 3 I would have called and cancelled the whole thing. The fact is, they just showed up on my doorstep. This is the story of my life with J at times. The boy has a great heart and is one of my dearest friends but my god! He seems to have no concept of other's priorities at times. Yes, they did drive me back down here instead of eating up there but if I hadn't piped up they would have headed over to eat friggin dinner with me still having work to get done. As it is, I'm a bit more shtupped now on the food items for presents.
I need a day. I need one full day where I can get things done without feeling tired, without distractions, and without feeling like 40 other things need doing. I think this is called a vacation at home but I'm not sure.
Three days and couting. I feel an odd inner pull that it's Christmas but it looks like the family isn't going to be able to get together because of schedual conflicts. I want to say "big deal" to spending Christmas Eve alone, but I just can't. I'm hoping that D & H are at least going to be at home so I can maybe go and sit around with them and watch them open presents. Looks like Santa this year is going to be passing me by. Yeah I know, cry me a river when there are folks out there that aren't getting anything because they can't even afford to have a nice dinner. Just hard at times to realize that all the folks you love aren't going to be near you on Christmas. Hell, I guess that's what phones are made for though.
Y'all best still be good though! I find out you're being naughty (and not in the good way), there's gonna be coal and switches in your stockings! ;)
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Work was work...until....he came in. So I look up and there is Ben. For some reason my heart just sort of sank a bit. I was actually feeling fine about all of this until I saw him again. Not a word was said about any of the messages I had sent him on myspace. Being a consumate actor, I put on my best face and acted as blaze as he did. What I wanted to do was drag him into the kitchen and just say to him "What the fuck man? What the fuck? I've tried the easy way but now I'm gonna play hardball and just ask you are you interested in even getting to know me as a friend or not?" .... but I didn't. We'll see if he comes back in again tomorrow. Hell, I doubt he knows about this site but if he does read it...guess the cat is ultimately out of the bag now isn't my lovelies?
So that kinda took an extra toll on me. I felt even shittier after that because I thought I had dealt with whatever I had to deal with in reguards to him. Just depressed the hell out of me. More over, he STILL hasn't responded to what I wrote and that was last week even yet already. This of course brings up the question of, "why the hell do I feel like not matter how much I try or don't try, I remain single?" I leave that question up to the Gods at this point because I'm over it (for the most part). I mean it. If this is what trying to date someone is like...fuck it! I'll wait until someone who actually seems to care comes along ya know? Ack....I'm getting myself aggitated here so enough of this.
The rest of the day was renting movies after work. I slept through Brothers Grim but felt better after the nap. Now that it's too late to cook, I think I'll watch a little of either Cry Wolf of the Exorcism of Emily Rose both of which I wanted to see in the theatre and missed. Guess I'm a sucker for horror films.
Now this of course means, I have to cook doubly tomorrow night to be back on schedual. Ah well...long as I get an early start on it and a decent night's sleep tonight, I think I'll be ok.
Four more days. Four more days til Christmas and I have two presents bought and around 5 people I want to get something for. I just can't get the gumption up to go to the malls this year. Not sure how I'm gonna pull this off but we'll see now won't we? I'm hoping that I'll be eating with the family on Christmas Eve and then maybe with my friends the Brentnalls on Christmas Day. Course to me, it's just a weekend. Yup...I lost that Christmas Spirit again so if ya find mine please email it or send it in a text message cause I need it for a little while longer.
Lastly though, ya know how you make yourself feel better? You finally go and buy new shoes cause you're old ones are maybe two years old! So I went out to Shove Pavillion and was lookin round and saw these hot little numbers for $39. (of course I also bought another pair of shoes that were nicers and were $49). When I got to the reg, they price came up as $19.99! CHA CHING! Major savings for me and new shoes to work in....tell me what ya think.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Wowsers. Monday already huh? The weekend flew past me again. The most amazing thing is I don't remember almost anything I did all weekend. Maybe I'm gettin old ;) I did get to talk with my little brother though. Gotta say that it just made my day to finally talk with ya. If ya don't know who I'm talkin bout it's my little brother Ryan. (I'll try and get ya later this week) And I know he's probably reading this so I have to make a public appology here to him. I'm sorry I didn't tell ya one on the phone that I love ya tons, or how great you are hehe.
Then, later last night I got to talk to Rey for a while. Damn but that man does EVERYTHING. He was painting (well I knew he did that actually) while we were talking. I swear that I honestly have to get money together somehow and get around to visiting you folks!
I got three cards out in the mail on Sunday and spent almost $100 on ingrediants for my Christmas goodies when I found out something horrible. I didn't have the rum. Not only that but I needed to buy unsweetened cocoa powder so there was another $6 down the drain. F-it, I'll roll the next batch of Rum balls in the sweetened cocoa and no one will know the difference.
So I owed Rey for a MeMe I was tagged with and it's down below there. I'm afraid that my brain is a bit mushy tonight folks. I would say I can't wait for the weekend but ya know what? It's bloody Christmas this weekend so there's going to be nothing open, and the places that are...well you wouldn't catch me dead in a mall this Saturday!
The rules for this particular meme are as follows:Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot. Easy, no?
4. Mr. Secret
Then you get to select five people to pass the love on to. This is the best part. Check the following blogs in the next day or two to see what they have to say about me and my meme.
1. My buddy Joe who's just returned to us
3. Ryan & Mike(kinda hard when ya both have the same blogsite hehe)
4. M'lady(because she's one of my favourite ladies!)
5. Persian Guy(cause I'm curious)
So here's dem goods...
What were you doing 10 years ago?
Holy crap. 10 years ago I was homeless, working for the theatre and the coffee shop and for some reason unknown to me, pretty damn happy. I was the tech director at the theatre and built sets during the day, sometimes rehearsed at night if I was in a show, and generally worked the secondary morning shift (what my coworkers do right now) at the shop.
What were you doing 1 year ago?
Last year? Pretty much the same thing I'm doing this year ;) I worked at the shop, had a little more dosh so I actually went to Disneyland with my family. I organized a reading of A Christmas Carol at the shop last year as well. Outside of that, I honestly don't remember much. Played videogames and watched movies?
Five snacks you enjoy:
2. Nuts of any kind pretty much. Roasted, salted but none of that honey dipped shite. (bleh!)
3. Pita Chips Oh my god that is better than Pringles but they're harder to find at times, and I gotta have Hummus to go with them.
4. Good popcorn. Take me to a movie, or go see one with me fine. Drink from my soda? Fine. Touch my large bag of popcorn and there's gonna be words!
5. Scones. I really like apricot or almond the best.
Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
Ok...I know that I have at least five but they are escaping me mostly so the partial list is,
1) Honeysuckle Rose by Thomas "Fats" Waller
2) Space Oddity by David Bowie
3) What's Love Got To Do With It by Tina Turner
and I'm sure there's more but I honestly can't think of them right now....too much music in my life
Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Take a "tour" and visit all my friends around the country and world
2. Find something I could afford to buy in terms of a house or condo
3. Take all my friends to Disneyland or just throw a massive party for us all
4. Set up a trust fund for my nieces and nephew
5. Go out a LOT more because I'd only work part time
Five bad habits:
1. Smoking. I quite for around 3 months or so but I went back to it.
2. Letting laundry pile up until I have almost no clean socks
3. Falling in love too easily (I'm keepin this on Rey!)
4. Being too damn shy about stuff and not living up to my potential
5. Dreaming too much about what life could be
Five things you like doing:
1. Playing videogames until late late late into the night
2. Dancing, or what I remember is I like dancing
3. Giving presents to folks. Sounds silly but I like to see people's eyes light up
4. Walking in a warm rain as the world goes by
5. Making art be it music, or acting, or singing, or just inking in with my gel pens my Buddistic Coloring book
Five things you would never wear again:
1. STRIPES! That would just remind me I was a fat kid growing up.
2. Tight shirts (well until I lose a little wieght and gain a little muscle)
3. A skirt (it was a goth thing but I ain't got the legs for it)
4. Purple socks....I used to have a colored sock fetish...well obsession
5. Anything like an Izod or Polo shirt with those damn alligators or polo players on it
Five favorite toys:
1. My PS2 (or PS3 if someone wants to buy me one when the come out hehe)
2. My Hulk Hands. They're way cool. They make noise if you punch something like a Hulk growl, or it says "Hulk Smash!" or something like that...and they're made of soft foam so you can sock yer friends and it won't hurt.
3. A stage fighting rapier I own. I don't play with it much but on the odd occaission I take it outside and practice moves with it.
4. Oddly enough, gel pens and coloring books. I haven't pulled them out in a long time but I love to sit and "color"
5. My computer. Ok, maybe not a toy but it can do a lot of rocking stuff for me that tha's uber fun like Acid Techno (a loop based music program I play around with), and Rebirth which is a Drum program.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
See, cooking to me is something that's kinda spiritual in a way. Sure you have to eat to survive and live but, when you wind up making something that you give to other folks...well it has to be exceptional. It's not just how it tastes but how it looks. Presentation is everything even if it's peanut brittle (from a Julia Child recipie I might add). So, the only thing I don't know yet is....how do I deliver all of this once it's made? I guess I'm going to have to invest in either some tupperwear that's REAL cheap price wise, or do the old, paper plate wrapped with cling wrap. I kinda hate that though cause then it looks kinda old and tired ya know? Hell...since I got paid I may just blow a few extra bucks and see if I can find some nice tins to put things in.
I won't tempt your tastebuds here though. No, I wouldn't ever do that. I wouldn't ever tell you I found at least three different recipies for Rum Balls (including a Chocolate Walnut Rum Ball), nor will I tell you I have plans to make English Toffee, or peanut brittle....na....won't tell you that ;) Trust me though, if I knew I could ship all of you some of these little taste treats by Christmas I would. I love to cook for folks that appreciate what they're eating and apparently desserts are one of my specialities. (that and gimme a chicken and a well stocked herb selection and let me go baby!)
So that was my exciting Saturday...looking at all these wild and wacky recipies that I want to make now and I would. I really would if I had a Mixmaster and food processor. Perils of my studio is that the kitchen seems to be the size of a postage stamp so counter space is at a premium. I truly dream of having a kitchen at least twice the size of mine right now, with tons of counter space and electric outlets. Thought about trying to go into the cooking industry but, I worked with a friend who had graduated that Culinary Academy in SF. Andrew could cook like a mother by the way! It's the whole problem of, unless you have a name, it sounds like you don't make a lot of money. (and the fact that you have to move up the ranks in a kitchen and right now that is the last thing I want to do...start at the bottom again!)
Course, the other great thing about the weekend? I got 8 hours of sleep last night! WOOO HOO! I'm tellin ya, and I'm sure that Steve will agree with me on this one, don't ever take the jobs where you have to be in before 8am!
So my buddy Rey said that he wasn't really impressed with King Kong. I wept. I haven't seen the movie but I almost cried because I've been building it up in my head, kinda like Rent. We'll see though. I'm going to try and make it out to the theatres this weekend. I'm supposed to go and see Walk The Line on Friday. Mmmmm Joaquin Phoenix mmmm. ;)
Last night I actually did something I haven't in a long time. I sat and talked with someone about heady stuff that bordered on philosophical and metaphysical. It was sort of needed too. I'm feeling a little less than intelligent lately because I'm still trying to finish off Harry Potter book 4 which is tons of fun but doesn't really stimulate the mind in the way I need sometimes. The topic went everywhere starting off from just talking about theatre and somehow wound up talking about Lycanthropy (shape shifters), quantum physics, and spirituality before we somehow wound up back at theatre. Truly wacky, truly invigorating because I was learning new stuff. Truly socially nice too because I'm sure I've whined enough about how I talk mostly to customers.
So tonight? The agenda is set for a little videogaming because my Xmen need me dammit! (who esle is gonna tell them how to fight the evil forces and make the world safe?) Following that I think I'm going to watch one of my favorite documentary/nonfiction films. If you haven't seen a film called What the Bleep Do We Know, well...I'd say you should only because I find it fascinating. My friend calls it psuedo-science though. One of these days we'll find out which it is, real or hypothetical. Until then, I think I'm going to make a cupper for myself and see if I can get Iceman (Bobby Drake) to kiss Cyclops (Scott Summers).....ok, so you can't do that in the game but I would like to see it hehehe
And Rey, I will get around to that meme, I promise!
Sending you all visions of sugar plums to dance in your heads! (and they look like Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal, Ewen McGregor, and Joaquin Phoenix...or in the case of my buddy Larry they all look like Prince Harry)
Thursday, December 15, 2005
For some reason this entire week at work has been rather slow during the mornings with occaissional spurts (you dirty minded things) of bustling activity. I have to say it's been nice to have a bit of down time at work. I don't like being bored but it has given me enough time to make sure all the coffee pots are full, refill the sugars, all those odd little things that never seem to have time during a normal busy day at a coffee shop. Best, my friend Tonio has been hanging around the shop lately. He lives up north and it's really been nice because he's picked my spirits up a bit. That and an old friend and ex-coworker has returned from Mexico. Always nice to see the faces of folks you care about eh? I recently found out that Fran is going to be working for a little at the shop again until he goes back to Mexico.
So what news of the mysterious stranger? What wackiness has insued within the universe today? Well, nada. He didn't come in today. I can't say I was exactly heart broken, but I did hope that I'd get to see him again. Who knows, maybe tomorrow? Maybe never. The truth is that I (being a pagan) know that it was a sign. You can call me crazy but I know it was a sign. What does it mean? That everything is actually going to be alright. More importantly that I am going to be alright. Sometimes you forget these things when the "real" world invades your every waking moment. (more reasoning behind why I watch a lot of movies and play video games) I even feel a bit more connected with my Goddess again and I'm starting to feel that ol' Christmas Spirit sneaking up on me.
And what of Ben? Well what of him? Do I care anymore? Should I? I started thinking about this tonight and what I came up with was this answer....no, I shouldn't care. Look, let's face facts here and they are: 1)I like Ben a lot but don't really know him, 2)I made my attempt to get to know him and he doesn't seem interested in that. So, conclusion? If I see him again, (and this may be a bit of a lie) I'll probably just acknowledge him as a friendly customer. I mean I've raked myself over a bit with this and it's stupid really. Why should I keep trying to get to know him, and/or date him, if he doesn't seem to want to give me that chance? So...just like Altboy, I think it's time to say "goodbye Ben" and be done with it.
My friend Philly's birthday was today and I wound up back at the shop this afternoon for a bit of cake with her and her family. They are absolutely great people. And, not having anything to give to her I decided that for Christmas this year I'm going to hit the kitchen and (we hope) this weekend make lots of tasty treats like Divinity, and more Ice Cream (perhaps with homemade brittle!), and for Christmas itself which I am expecting to have with my family....my infamous Mousse Au Chocolate, or Chocolate Mousse for those that don't speak French ;) Who needs money when you can make something for other folks eh? Well outside of needing to have the money for the ingrediants but hey...that I can afford!
My buddy Rey has hit me with a MeMe that I haven't gotten around to but I think that shall wait until tomorrow night. I'm feeling a bit perky after dinner here and I'm considering my options which may include just wandering around for a bit of an evening stroll.
Spencer, yup buddy...you're right. I do need to take more chances and hopefully this coming year will be my incentive. And damn your trivia was hard! (and you folks think I don't take what you say in Comments to heart?) Ryan, you're just the best buddy. I loves me some my little brother. M'lady you are just too gorgeous with or without a Tiara. Camilla...oh my oh my, you should be recieving that card soon I hope (as soon as I drop it in the post tomorrow!). That goes for the rest of you too who I got adresses from. The card turned out better than I thought reguardless of what I originally may have thought of it. (it looked so different on the computer but came out nicely when printed) Persian Guy, you have a GREAT trip and come home safely ok? You got a card waiting for ya at home when you do. Jason, you always make me think amgio and for that I am forever greatful.
And where the hell are ya DEN?!
If I didnt mention your name, well don't go gettin all upset with me. I got a lot of love for my bloggin' friends out there and one of these days I'll do the ultimate blog shout out to everyone. Ya know you who read and respond here, as Ralph Kramden said "Baby, you're the greatest!"
One week as of Saturday folks! You had all best be good or else Santa will bring you nothing but lumps of coal (which as cold as it has been may be welcomed) and no mistletoe to kiss under! :) Better watch out...better not cry. Ya know why? Cause I'm watching too and I'm expecting everyone to be having an exceptionally naughty/nice time in the coming week!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Have you ever met someone, and when you looked at them there was this strange feeling that you'd met or that you knew them even though it was the first time you remembered laying eyes on them? Well, that was yesterday in the shop for me. Sure I see a lot of faces coming through but this guy....I don't know what it was about him. He was wearing a jacket and when I asked him where he'd gotten it, he responded to me like we were old friends. Then he commented on my earring (a kinda gothy piece of jewlery) saying that on others it would have looked intimidating but not on me. Here's the wierdest part to me....he made me feel at ease and calm and ??? Is he cute? Yeah. Am I gaga for him? No. But there's something about him.
Today he came back into the shop and I learned that his sister had just had a baby. We were chatting at the reg like we knew each other pretty well and I doubt either of us had seen the other before Wenesday. I'm hoping that he comes back in tomorrow. It's not in that "god I wanna make him my boyfriend" way, or even "He's so fucking hot" way. It's something that I honestly have no clue how to explain. I don't even know this guy's name for cryin out loud. But still he makes me feel so "everything is going to be alright" is the only way to explain it I guess.
I finally got the chance to talk with my buddy Rey last night. Now I know he's going to be looking here so I can't say anything about the conversation because you wouldn't want to know how he makes me laugh, and what a great guy he is, and what a big sweetheart he is...na...couldn't let that out of the bag ;) Honestly hope that some day I'll get to go and hang out with him. I know we could get into so much trouble but have so much fun doing it!
I'm still procrastinating here by the way, so the cards will get mailed this weekend or Friday by hook or by crook! I have to get these out because I'm afriad hardly anyone is going to be getting a present from me this year. I'll get a little something for my family here, and I guess I'm going to have to be crafty and order online for my relatives in Texas. Just knowing that I probably won't have my paycheck until Friday or worse, Monday, is kinda killing my Christmas Spirit. Hard to go shopping where the coffers are bare!
I do hope that my mysterious stranger (which is a great story by Mark Twain by the way) comes back tomorrow. I have a feeling that I'm trying to be told something again by the universe but I just don't quite get the message. Still, it somehow fills me with a sense of peace and hope. I just hope it means something good and that the changes for the coming year are going to be positive and hopefully easy ones.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
So I'm afraid I'm starting down a little bit of a slippery slope here, one that I am sure I can pull myself out of. See, I spent the better part of the weekend doing very little. I got my christmas card finished but I haven't printed them yet. So the slope would be a lack of motivation. I was all set to clean today after I got breakfast, and of course there was an hour of playing Xmen Legends II...but hey I still had the better part of the afternoon right? So looking to see what I could put on the tube to listen to whilest I cleaned....I got sucked into Broadway The American Musical (love documentaries about entertainment industry stuff) and POOF...the day was gone. Another work week staring me dead in the eyes, I got off my lazy ass and went to the shop to do my list for tomorrow. Now? It's friggin 8pm here and I have done absolutely nothing all weekend that I had planned to do.
So I put it out there to all of y'all....how do you keep your motivations going? Be it going to the gym, dieting, trying to save money, writing more...whatever it is. I swear I'm starting to think that I'm just a lazy f'er ya know? I would blame work and the lack of a vacation and blah blah blah but we'd all know I was just lyin'. I think if I had say 4 days off I'd be so damn lazy that all I'd do would be eat and sleep. Starting to think that maybe there is something wrong here in my life but I can't pinpoint it. Just too wierd.
Probably just the holiday blues or something so I'll get over it. Shit, I have to because if I sink way down into it....I have a bad feeling that all sort of shite is gonna hit the fan. Ah well...least I got to hang out with D this past week. I need to get out more dammit. I know that's part of it. Maybe it's just time for another radical change in life or something. Maybe a new job (if I can find one that pays me more and I don't have to be up at the butt crack of dawn). Ah well...it's all conjecture at this point.
I'm going to eat and watch a movie cause I'm feeling like being a slug again. And jeez...I just yesterday was my 6 months here on this site. I obviously know how to ramble heheh.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
So, the mystery is still afoot but you need clues now don't you? Most good mysteries concern things like conversations or messages that have been sent. There is always the good old fashion rendevous that might happen. And of course you have to know who is in the cast of characters.
Those are you clues. Just think about it for a while and maybe you'll make sense of it all. I still don't wanna say anything incase this mystery turns out to be nothing more than a .. well a flop hehe.
So, I don't know what was going on with my site today. I tried to get into it and had to view it by going to the main page to edit a post. Wierdness indeed plus all the internet stuff was acting all wonky. Being a good paraniod person I knew I had a trojan or hacker....according to all my anti-spyware, nope. Who knows. I hate that though because while I don't have anything important or illegal on my computer, it's mine ya know? Sort of like how I don't like the idea of anyone being in my studio when I'm not here, even the landlord. (this is why I fix things myself)
Oh the weekend....the glorious glorious weekend is here. My friends D & H and I are planning on seeing The Chronicals of Narnia Saturday sometime. This gives me time to make the Christmas Cards (plus maybe some mix cds) and get them out in the mail hopefully Monday if not Sunday afternoon.
Did I mention....
IF you'd like a Christmas Card, you should email me your adress :)
just in case I hadn't mentioned it hehehe. I'm finally starting to feel a bit Christmas-ish. I don't really have money for presents this year for many people, but dammit, if I go broke, I go broke ya know? There are just some people that you want to give something grande and outlandishly cool to even if it's only a picture you've drawn and inked yourself. Here's the odd thing too...I'm getting to the point where I don't care if I get anything "big" anymore. Last year my friend Doll made me this amazing coat, H gave me a great candle set (it's actually a Fung Shuei and how the hell do you spell that anyway?) and James and Doll gave me a gift card and cookies. I mean, it's all about being with the ones you love the most ya know?
Speaking of....I'm feelin a bit sentimental here so, I just wanna say how much you wonderful folks have meant to me over the past couple of months. Now, if I can't send ya all a Christmas card, at least give me an email adress so I can send you an Ecard ok?
Well jingle them bells babies! Get your holliday groove on! Have some Nog, and a snog (for my british friends who know what that is hehe). I'm gonna check my Santa List here and see if maybe this year he can find that boyfriend he lost somewhere along the way ;)
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Today is December 7th, the day that will live in infamy. Well, truthfully until someone told me what the date was today I was clueless. How does this happen? Media black out. I hardly ever look at the local paper that gets toss at the shop's door because it's nothing more than a fish wrapper. I don't watch the news on Tv because they never seem to actually tell me anything. So, I tend to go blythly along my merry little way know what day of the week it is and only sometimes knowing what the actual date it. (I don't forget the 1st because of rent and the 15th because that's pay day)
I just deleted a bunch of drivel that y'all didn't need to read but here's the gist of it:
I do support our troups wherever they may be because they are willing to lay down their lives and be in immidiate danger for us.
I do NOT support the current government however. I don't trust any of them up in Washington right now Democrat or Republican.
A bunch of people died at Pearl Harbor and they didn't need to. An old aquaintence of mine's father was there. Luckily he wasn't killed during the attack. What I think about it all is that I hope that we can stop killing each other. I want our men and women back home and safe. I want a world without wars. I don't want anyone to die senselessly anymore because someone wanted oil, or land, or thinks their god is better than the other guy's god. Maybe it's just me and John Lennon that believe in peace. I don't know. Yeah, there is a time when push comes to shove and you have to take a swing back....but, maybe if we could all just stop pushing and shoving for a little while and see what happens?
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
I think that the Universe must have a wierd sense of humor and likes to mess with some of us. I've had this wierd sensation before. I'll know what day of the week it is and the next time I think of what day it is, it's maybe 3 days later. I mean what exactly am I doing with 72 hours? Where did I go and did I have a good time? On a serious idea here about my time problems, I think that sometimes our brains are working overtime on things that we don't even know about. It's when that activity is going on that we lose time. What I'm working on, or working out for that matter, I don't know. It's not like I'm losing time because I'm having too much fun in my life (unless you count chatting with friends). Ah well, before I know it it's going to be Christmas and I haven't even started to make the cards I want to send..poof, more time gone eh?
Which of course brings us around to Christmas. Now I don't have a ton of cash anymore. I had a somewhat bigger sum last year but, things happen and it has been a full year. So, the idea is that I want to send cards I print here at home to folks. What is the image? Well you'll just have to wait and see. So saying, if you want to get a Christmas Card this year, ya better start emailing me adresses cause I'm gonna be cutting this one close I think heh.
I don't have a tree here in my studio, and I don't think I'll get one either. Ya know what though? I'm starting to feel that Christmas spirit though. Just feeling like telling folks how much they are great and wishing folks good will. It's kinda creepy at times. I'm finding myself a little more pleasent lately and it doesn't have to do with Ben.
Hm....Ben. The man that I want to try and see if I can get to date, if only for a little while. Ben is moving up to San Fran. What does that mean for me? Guess if I can get him to say yes to going out with me I'll be up in the city more ;) I don't know why him actually. There are a lot of cute guys that come into my shop ya know? Just he's the first guy in maybe 2 years that made me say to myself "I really want to get to know this guy more". Doesn't happen much to me really. I tend to fall in lust more than interest ya know? You see that cuty somewhere and you want to maybe be doing the nasty touching tango with them. For me with Ben, I think I would settle for the idea of a long walk at night with him. God...I'm a romantic sap. Believe me, I'm still working on this dream!
God I'm getting more random as I go here and I know it's only going to be getting worse because I'm trying to keep secrets from you all. Mysteries are wonderous thing to unravel and usually it is done well after the "incident" has taken place and all the suspects are gathered! Well, hopefully you will only have to wait one more week!
What's not mysterious is that I'm hungry. I went and did another voice over cut today (yeah baby $50 for less than 10 minutes work!). Hopefully they like this one. The client apparently liked my first cut but the producers were looking for something different if I understand properly. Well, if they have to call me in again to do it again....Ka-Ching! So I ain't cryin and it's actually really fun for me to try and hit the vocal mark they're looking for.
HEY! Before I get off this rambling rant of racuous rediculous rankor, I have a message for Den over at Sugar Land, "How the hell are you and where are ya and are ya ok?" Oh, and there's of course the shout outs to Steve who had a birthday(he's 20), M'lady just cause hearing a Yorkshire dialect made me happy, kisses to Camilla because she's söt lik kanel buns, and get well messages to Jim, Spencer, Donnie, and Rey. Whoo....
By the way, if you haven't read these yet, drop by and say howdy to Terry, and Scott. I haven't had a chance to add them yet so....
God, I need to eat before my stomach bores its way into my spine! Vindalou, here I come!
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Actually, talking about vacationing, it looks like my friend will finally be paying me back the money I loaned him! Talk about a stroke of good fortune. Granted I have to wait until he get's his Tax return but hey....I've been waiting for my brother to pay me back now for maybe 3 years or more? (Can you see why I'm not really happy with my relatives?). And speaking of money I have an odd little story.....
I tend to collect pocket change. I don't really spend the change, just grab another bill ya know? So, in dumping all my change for the last several months I finally decided last week I needed to turn it into cold hard cash money! That's right, it was CoinStar city for me. I walked into a Safeway with a half filled flannel bag that my sheet set came in originally. (well ya knew it was good for something now didn't ya? What are you gonna do with it? Put the sheets back in it?) So as I was dumping more and more change into the hopper and watching the counter go up and up...I started to think I had misread the machine. How much was there? Well Ca-Ching Ca-Ching I had $335 (after they took 8%) in change! Believe me I am now more than ever saving all my pennies, dimes and nickles! Still kinda trippin on that but it saved my little white butt over last week I can tell you.
My weekend hasn't been too exciting except for getting to chat with Rey. I spent most of today just kinda bummin round here at home and playing God Of War on my PS2. So after the marathon of around 3 hours straight (with the occaission cig break), I decided it was time for dinner. After getting back home it was back to God Of War and bloody hell I beat the game! I hardly ever finish video games and this was kickin my ass lately so I am stoked that it's done. Now it's probably on to X-Men Legends 2. Or maybe one of the other 10 games I haven't finished yet :)
So we gamers are rather silly ya know? I remember watching folks play games and they do pretty much what I do....when you have to jump to the left, you lean into it to make sure that your videogame character makes it. It's sort of like riding a motorcycle (you lean into the turns). When I make them do a long jump forward? You guessed it, I tend to jolt forward a little myself. Amazing what your mind will get your body to do isn't it? Still, videogames to me are better than the alternative which is watchin Tv so....there ya go ('sides, I don't have cable and don't wanna spend $40 a month just to watch Tv!)
So there is my highly exciting weekend so far. Tomorrow night I am off to see a "house concert" of someone I have never heard of. They were recommended by some good friends of mine so we're all going. And me? Well....some folks want to know what my mystery is and I can say that it's not about the video shoot I'll be doing next month. Finally have a scrip for the Atomic Mint video! Ah me :) Maybe I'll just spill the beans that it's about....
Damn :) My computer froze up hehehe...guess you'll all just have to wait. Oh but ain't I a stinker!?
Thursday, December 01, 2005
So, it's been a wierd and wacky wonderful kinda couple of days so far. I meant to write something last night but I was a bit tired and had some stuff here that was putting me on cloud 71/2 ish. You see, I got a package in the mail yesterday. It had slipped my mind but there it was!
Of course you now know my husband, Anthony Rapp who was in Rent right? (that's him there)
Well, it must have slipped his mind to send me a copy of his solo album, so I decided to help him out and be supportive by buying one for myself. There he was, sitting pretty as the picture in my mailbox so I popped it in and what an odd mix of musical styles he has on there. Still, there is one song that he wrote called "Just A Guy" that is now burned into my speakers. (I so want him to sing that while I have my arms wrapped about my boyfriend...when I have one) I know that he's busy lately and that's why he hasn't written me or called....so I forgive him ;)
And the new stuff kept coming too! I had mentioned a band called Keane that a couple of you folks knew a bout (surprisingly enough) and when I was out at the record store, what should I see but a DVD of Keane! It's a concert plus videos and other stuff. Yes, you too can have one...just not mine because I haven't had a chance to watch it yet and I get first dibs (neener). SO there was that as well....
And today? It turns out that the good news is finally starting to trickle in. My friends D & H are going to have a baby! :):):) (where the hell do you find a dancy animated image anyways?) I'm so happy for them. They both seem really happy about it too. Not to be lame but I'm also a little sad because it seems like the end of an era in my life. Pretty soon the time of us all going to concerts will be at an end, but they will be suplimented with playing with the baby and then the kid and eventually...well we'll all be too old to be going out that much heheh. God I love those two. So, I was informed that I will be "uncle Shadow". I'm just tickled pink about it (hm...does that mean that I am feeling extra gay?)
I have some mysterious news but I have to reserve that for next week. I need to see how it all plays out. Plus, don't ya just love knowing that there is something coming? That surprise little tidbit that you have to wait and see? Does it invovle romance? Maaybe. You'll have to wait and see.
So I wanted to post this one video. It just proves that although Annie Lennox is a little older than when Eurythmics started....she's still F'in hot and this song is just amazing to me. Listen to the lyrics cause I think it applies to a lot of us out here in the world. (Plus I love Annie's voice) You still got it baby! Check below the video for the lyrics! Now THIS is what I wanna go out dancing to right now....matter of fact, I'm gonna play my cd single of it and dance a little bit here in the studio. Y'all are all invited! HOUSE PARTY!!!!!
Watch Video:I’VE GOT A LIFE (Eurythmics)
Turn it down so I can’t hear it
Turn it out so I can’t see it
It’s just useless to ignore
We’re going down, you don’t feel it
Turn it round, you don’t mean it and
I can’t stand it anymore
When the whole world sighs
And it’s making you so deflated
I've got a life
Though it refuses to shine
I've got a life it aint over (it aint over)
I've got a way
It's the only things that’s mine
All I'm asking for is tenderness
A little tenderness
Ooo it's a cruel place
You never asked to be here
Nobody cares and no one’s gonna help you now (hold on)
It's dog eat dog the human race
The only thing they'll do is hate you (hate you)
Such a crime to be unkind
Turn your cheek pretend you're blind
I've got a life
Though it refuses to shine
I've got a life it aint over
It aint overI've got a way
It's the only thing that's mine
All I’m asking for is tenderness
I've got a life
Though it refuses to shine
I've got a life it aint over
It aint overI've got a way
It's the only thing that's mine
All I’m asking for is tenderness
Be strong now baby
Gotta be strong now baby
Gotta be strong!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
There's a sense sometimes that I'm watching life happen. I'm a casual observer in this grande and complex movie that's happening before my eyes. I don't always get to write the script but I'm playing a part as well. Problem is that there's really no script. There are constant re-writes going on even as we speak. It's eposidic as well. Characters come and characters go. Some of these characters pop up from time to time later on in this wierd little movie of life. Sometimes they are let go from teh seriese and make guest appearences. Luckily for me, there are no commercials. Odder yet, sometimes I honestly feel that this is reality, this movie/tv show concept. So what would you do if it were? I mean honestly, what would you do if you woke up to find that one of your favourit characters had left the show?
I'm having a little "out of site, out of mind" trouble lately. There are folks that are constantly with me in my head and heart, and others that I know are out there and who I haven't talked to in a while and suddenly they crop back up be it for good or bad. I just recently read from a friend that her mom had died. Freaked me out because while I love my Ruby a lot, I haven't heard from her in months. Her mom died suddenly and quite unexpectedly. Course I sent her a message as soon as I had heard but it just started me thinking about how we drift in and out of others lives. It doesn't mean I don't love Ruby any more or less, just that I haven't heard from her and I had my life going full tilt boogy and...well I missed something somewhere it seems.
So, I wanna start scripting my film/tv show. I want to know where all the characters are and what they're doing and how they are and maybe make a guest spot on their spin-off shows ya know? Hell, maybe even do the "reunion" show like they seem to do with things that run forever.
And that's just how I plan it. This little show of my life is going to run forever reguardless. Sometimes I don't wanna see the reviews of the show, but it's mine, and I'm kinda happy with it for the most part. So y'all know that you're free to visit my set at any time, any day.
Maybe it's just the actor in me striving to get back out there and create. I don't know. Just know that there are folks I don't ever want to lose contact with and I'll do my best if they will. In the grander scheme of things, the stuff like boyfriends and being rich and famous just doesn't amount to a hill of bean. What matters to me is keeping those I feel close around me for as long as I can and hopefully forever.
Much love and adorations to my little brother Ryan. I'll miss reading your site.
That's it...I'm nackered. Ya know I may not always comment on your sites, but I'll be thinkin bout ya none the less. Hell, I got some damn fine folks as friends out there. So get yourselves in costume and makeup cause I want ya in my movie.
That's a wrap.
Monday, November 28, 2005
It's raining here, or it was. I love the rain. I hear so many folks saying how they hate it and it makes them depressed and blah blah blah. Well ya know what? I miss actual weather. In Texas we would have great thunder and lightening storms, torrential rains, tornado warnings, flash flood warnings, and I even remember it snowing 3 or 4 times in and around Austin. Out here in Cali? You have sunshine and sometimes overcast and then wooop...Sunshine. Believe me it gets really boring.
So why do I love rain? Because it evokes so much. Makes you wanna cuddle up in a blanket in the winter months. Put on a pot of tea or coffee and sit around watching old movies. You can build a fire if you're lucky enough to have a fireplace and just feel all cozy and warm listening to it make those delicious patters outside. Something soothing about the sound of rain to me. And in the summer? Ooo boy! You can go for walks in the rain, dance in the rain, splash in the puddles and if you were lucky enough to have space where the neighbors can't see I betcha I'd be out dancin nekid in the rain if it was warm enough. Guess it kinda brings the kid out in me. Hell, for some reason rain makes ME happy. So it's nice to know it may do it again tomorrow but there'll probably be sunshine *grumble*.
I am so lagging right now. I haven't even called my mom to wish her a Happy Thanksgiving but ... I'll just email her because I'm not sure I really want to talk to her. Not sure I really want to deal with my relatives at all anymore. Sure, it sounds harsh but I get more support and love from folks here at the Blogging Cocktail party and from my friends in Cali. It's all about who understands ya and who let's you be you. Hell, they don't even know me anymore so...but, I'm sure I'll send them presents for Christmas hehe.
So it's a random night here in my head with a few too many things pressing here and there. I got a couple of trains running around in there right now that I'm still co-ordinating, and on a completely different line I'm slowly trying to get the cars connected for a different train to start running.
My but I am an odd odd camper at times :)
Sunday, November 27, 2005
I did just get back from dinner with Doll and James. Called me slightly out of the blue and whoops, there it was. It was really nice just sitting and bullshitting. See, that's what I'm talking bout. That doesn't happen nearly enough for me and it's what keeps me sane. Otherwise I tend to eat here at home and watch a movie, or play videogames, or sit around on the computer. I crave conversation! Well, that and a good meal hehe. (and while we are at it, I'll throw in the concept of a boyfriend as well for good measure)
So it's almost December and who'd have thunk it would be here so fast? Year is almost gone and I am not anywhere near where I want to be again. Hm...could it be do to the fact that I'm lazy? Or maybe a dreamer? Yeah....there's always procrastination to take into account as well. BUT, I do plan on doing, at the very least, the Christmas Card thing. Just have to print them up. I have a picture I really liked from my trip last year to Disneyland that I wanted to use. Sigh....D'land. I know that Doll and James are going to be going back in December but I don't think I'm going to have the money this year. *sniffle*
*sigh* I want to play some more of God Of War but it's almost 11 for me and the alarm will go off at 5ish.
Oh hell...maybe 10 minutes of a movie won't kill me. Just something to get me a little more sleepy so I can get up early. The one good part? Ben had gone to see his family so I haven't seen him for a while. I'm hoping that he's back tomorrow morning. I may be an idiot, but he makes me smile. Ya gotta have something to look forward to don't ya? I'm still trying to find the right way to ask him to go and have dinner with me....or even coffe. Just kinda awkward to ask someone while you're working if they'll go and eat with you. And how do you make it sound not like a date but just the truth, I want to sit and talk to him ya know? Want to get to know him a little better. Guess it's going to sound like a date reguardless of what I do. Would I date him? You bet your bippy I would. Would he date me? I sincerely doubt it. Oddly enough though....I'm kinda ok with that for once.
Thanksgiving was actually really nice. I really enjoyed the whole eating with D and H and their parents. We even went for a walk after turkey dining and the came back for desserts! This of course reminds me of something I've been thinking a lot lately. I need to be around people more. I need to be out and hanging with folks more because I, usually given the right folks, have a blast. I need more of that fun in my life. I'm really tired of just working day in-day out, week after week and blah blah blah. I know, cry me a river because it's what's going to be going on for the rest of my life but dammit! Everynow and then you just wanna bust out and not have to work. Guess that's called a vacation lol!
It's late/early on a Saturday/Sunday night/morning. All about perspective you know. I just got around to finishing up reading my own list of bloggers, making comments, doing a little mailing. I went to see Irving Berlin's White Christmas with D tonight. That's why I'm so late in putting this together. (of course the double latte surging through me doesn't help much) I love spending time with D. He's one of those people that actually spurs my creative juices. (NAUGHTY! I mean my creative force in terms of writing or doing something artistic you wicked wicked people...but he is cute) We actually have a lot in common while we think so oppositely sometimes. He's one of my best friends and I love him to death. Wish I got to hang out with him more.
The show was kinda, ok. But, going up to San Fran and just being out of this area, and with someone I like talking with ... that was the good part. So that was sort of my weekend. Been a hell of a week too. Seeing RENT twice on Wends, having Thanksgiving on Thurs, working on Friday at 8 rather than 6:30 and now the play tonight. I don't feel spent, I feel rather invigorated actually. Course I haven't gotten shite done around the studio really like I planned but hey, I can do that tomorrow I guess.
Sigh...another picture of my new boyfriend who will soon be my husband Anthony Rapp. Now I just have to meet him, get him to dump his boyfriend, get him to fall in love with me, and then we'll see what happens ;) In the mean time, a boy can dream can't he?
Hm...blogger is being persnickity so I guess I'll load it some other time.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Now, I'm supposed to go over to D and H's for Thanksgiving dinner in an hour or so. I should have been up a few hours ago but I actually got to sleep in for once so...F it! hehe. Of course I am also now convinced that I will be marrying Anthony Rapp from Rent. Ain't he gorgeous? (and apparently doing a production of Hedwig And The Angry Inch and an upcoming production of Little Shop of Horrors).
So...I am off to have one of my guilty pleasures here...a long hot shower. I love luxuriating under really hot water and just feeling it cascade over me until I look like a prune! I absolutely hate cold showers. Well, I dislike being cold in general but cold showers? The worst! And then it's off to the shop to do a few things before the dinner this afternoon. Actually if it weren't for the free food, I would consider just sitting around playing video games....or going back and seeing RENT again hehe. Hm...dinner can't take that long ;)
I hope that everyone has a great Thanksgiving. Eat too much turkey, get all sleepy afterwards and lay around on the couch like a 5 ton sack of potatos with your favorite movie or sports show on. Cause ain't that what it's all about babies? That turkey coma and the ultimate in lounging?
Big love to you all. "Today for you. Tomorrow for me"!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Things have been moving slowly for me. Odd things happening like Altboy coming in the other day. I haven't seen that cat for maybe 2 months and what does he tell me? "My girlfriend bought me a coffeemaker." Well, that about covers that one now doesn't it? Good-bye Altboy. You're lovely to look at but I was over you anyways.
My dearest family and I took high tea on Saturday and it couldn't have come at a better time. I miss them a lot. We all sat around laughing, insulting one another and in general, enjoyings the company we were in. Besides, i had never had "high tea" and the room was beautiful. I'll post some shots later maybe. The best was going to see Harry Potter with them afterwards. I think in all I spent maybe 5 hours with my family and it made me excessively happy.
Now, tomorrow, I get to go see RENT thanks to my sister. You see, my relatives seem to care less about me. I care less about them because of it. They can't take the time to call me even so they can all FOD. The only person that does try and contact me is my mom, and I just don't want to deal with her games. Too much drama. May sound harsh but my real family, the ones I'm related to...well I don't really know them and they don't know me anymore. Since niether of my brothers bothers to try and talk to me...what should I care? The people I consider my family have never forgotten me though, and has always been there even when I didn't feel I was worthy of them. They actually make me feel loved, accepted, and understood. So Didi, Desi, Delirium my sweet, and Destruction....I love you all immensely.
I hope that you all have a great Thanksgiving. I'll be thinking of a lot this year, probably more than I have before. Just the feeling I have about it right now. I'm spending the day with D and H and their parents....we'll see how wierd this is when I get there I guess. Still, at least someone out there wanted me to be with them. People that I love a lot. Having been the one that was usually last in line for things, or the fifth wheel a lot, it actually means a great deal to me. I don't know how to tell them that without sounding all sentimental and stupid. Just the fact that H asked what I was doing for Thanksgiving meant a lot. Meant I wouldn't be sitting here staring at TV screen eating fast food. Been feeling like I was invisible around work lately and sometimes in the world in general. What's worse is that I probably did that to myself.
Been thinking about how I am coming up on a milestone this year, plus the fact that my blog is almost 6 months old now. I suppose I should go back and see what the hell I've been rambling about over the past half year. Sometime I wonder why I keep doing this. Sometimes I write just for me and it's about venting. My dream though? Maybe one day I'll say the write thing and change someone's life for the better. Stupid I know but it's my dream so if you don't believe it can happen...well it will just make me try and make it happen all the more.