Saturday, December 02, 2006

Saturday night mental ramble

It only takes a little word every now and then. Just something to remind you how lucky you are. I'm forced to remember this fact because I am the luckiest man I know of. Sometimes it is hard to remember that when the world hits ya in the face. But there are always people that, quite unknowingly, show ya how lucky you are.

Why is is that we are so caught up in the world around us? I'm the worst of it. I think I need thicker skin at times. I was good before and had this castle keep that only I could get into. An inner-sanctum that I would hole myself up in. Friends were allowed everywhere else, but only I had the key to that door in me. Now, it's more like a chamber lushly set all velvet and candle lit, with an access key but only one other person gets to have that, and and I gave that to my man.

I worry too much. Always have. Needing to find the way to deal with that other than just stewing about things. I'm thinking that it's time again to get deep down in my religioun. Not go hog wild about it, but be more diligent to some degree. I always forget that They are there until I need something badly. That's not what it should be. My beliefs say that I should be able to access the Universe all times good or bad and should remember that, not just go to Them when things are bad. But then again I don't always do that. Hell, half the time I've been thanking Them like crazy. Just seems that I need to spend a little more time working with and listening to Them.

My spirituality says that there is limitless options out there. We all have amazing power within us and yet I forget that. Silly me...They're with me all the damn time and I talk with Them every night and morning and still, I forget.

I think about folks all the time. I wonder how they are, wonder what's going on for them, care about them and still don't email or call. How do I break that? How to not get caught up in the day to day?? There has to be a way to do this and I know I need to work on that. Which brings to mind the want for a better job and more money which brings to mind the day to day aspects which makes me slightly crazy for remembering now to not think about it. ... I think I need a major time spent in some meditation...or something. Makes me smile in that, "damn I'm an idiot" way cause I know all of this now, but tomorrow??

It all seems so petty when I look at it, cause I know that I have this amazing boyfriend who loves me, so how can anything bad? And I have friends that love me, so bad could it be? And I love Jon more than there are words for it in any language, so what's to complain about? My friend Brad helped me remember tonight that indeed, like I said before, love can conquer all. And no matter what comes at me..I have my friends, and I have a man that I love beyond measure...and he loves me....and that makes all the world all right. So all the petty little problems that come at me.... well they can all take a flyin fuck! Cause I got love, and lots of it from all sort of folks.

And best of all to me, I have a man that truly is amazing. Sweet, kind, funny, yes adorable...and god how I love him. And THAT truly is a blessing.

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!


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