Sunday, May 28, 2006

Big fat hairy deal

I'm trying to be better about writing here. Why? Cause I want to get back into writing in general. See the wierdest thing is that part of the reason I started writing here was because of a class I was taking at the time. I was taking a play writing class and I thought that if I were to write everyday...well I'd write creatively more. Doesn't always work that way though. Still....who knows.

I went to see Xmen III last night with the fam and only once we were all together at dinner did I learn I was the only one that hadn't seen it already. Well I felt like a bit of a shmuck to tell the truth. Don't really know why but once again, I was the last one sort of.

I started thinking about some of the stuff that K has talked about such as "impermanence" and realize that if you focus on the fact that nothing lasts forever, then there sometimes is no real reason for anything at all. If nothing is going to last, then why try and fall in love? If nothing lasts, then why bother having a job or living in a house or whatever you may think. Kinda scary to tell the truth because what do I want out of life? I want to live an artistic life (again) and have someone there beside me. (granted I know that I do not need anyone to make me complete...but just once I would like to know what it feels like to have a person that sticks with ya and is in love with you and you with them)

I'm all over the place today in my head. This is going to be a big number birthday for me. I don't feel "old" (well sometimes), but the one thing that makes me feel old is .... lack of hair. Yup, those little guys started leaving my head starting my sophomore year of college. Been a slipperly slide since then. Hell, I wouldn't even mind if it went gray for christ's sake's the one thing that I have absolutely NO ability to control. My weight? That I can fix. My glasses? Contacts. But my lack of hair? Well why do ya think I always wear a baseball cap? It's infuriating to tell the truth sometimes because the world seems to be made of folks always doing something with their hair. Cutting it, dying it, putting weaves into it, shaving it, running their fingers through it, having someone else run their fingers through it, you name it....and I'm stuck with either shaving my head, or looking like a trappist monk.

Maybe it's all about the conversation I had last night with Mel. I mean I have known her since she was a kid...literally. I look around and it seems all my friends are so much younger than me. Well, all the ones around here at least. THAT will make ya feel old, or it does for me. It's not that I don't like folks my own age. A lot of my friends from here in the blogworld are close to my age. Guess I'm just feeling that I should be doing something before it's all "too late". Well, I do have my short stories to work on and maybe I'll get back into working on the plays I started last summer for class.

I think that this year, I may just hide myself away somewhere on my birthday. Maybe go and frolic in the woods alone and see if I can find some of the Fey or Sidhe to play with and never come back. Well, I'd make sure that I'd have a way to communicate with the outside world but hey...who wouldn't want to live in the Faerie realm? Maybe take myself down to the ocean. I don't know because someone else asked me recently what I was going to do for the "Big Day" because it was a "Big deal this year". Well F that. I don't want to know that I'm going to be out of my 30's and I don't even like the idea of writing it as a number. I've had a series of crappy birthdays on the "milestone"s. When I turned 18, no one was in town that year because they all were off doing Summer Vacation shit but me. When I was 21, I had moved out here and knew no one but my dad. When I hit 30, my dad was so sick that he didn't even remember it was my birthday and if it wasn't for my mom calling me that day around 5 my one would have said happy birthday to me at all. So, needless to say I am not looking forward to July this year. D & H are having their kid sometime around then, and while the fam promised me a party....sorry guys but today I just don't know if I want one.

Yeah this all sounds like a downer and waa waa waa cry me a river. I'll get over it. I just have to learn not to think about these things I guess. More important stuff going on anyways where my attention is much more needed. Hm. Maybe I will just go religious and become a priest :)


The Persian said...

Michael, like you pointed out (and unless you are wealthy and can afford the grafts) there is little that can be done, don't beat yourself up about it.

You don't even KNOW how much I wish I had the fcking money to come spend your birthday with you in July.

Yet again I missed your call tonight, which I will be returning tonight or tomorrow (my son and I were having a serious talk at the time).

Love ya


did I break any ribs?


wanderingscribe said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Brad said...

You've touched on the one thing that really pisses me off about getting older.

Although I'm not bald, my hair is receding.


Michael said...

Ah Jim: ya know how much I like to beat myself up heh. I know I know...ain't nothin to be done but it's kinda wierd cause everyone else seems to have hair. (I think I'm getting slightly obsessed by it heh)
We'll talk tomorrow k? Love ya too buddy :) *ow my ribs hehe*

Brad: Ain't it a bitch? Ain't it just? Sometimes I do hate genes and mother nature heh.

Chrysa said...

Hey, Michael. Freaking relax, big brother! I love you and everything, but shut up. You know you're being stupid right? And goddess knows we all take turns doing that, so I'll forgive you. But I mean it, stop being so down in the dumps. YOU- are awesome. But also, YOU- create your own reality. And if you spend all this time thinking you're a shmuck, well guess what? Yeah, do the math, baby.

WE ARE THROWING YOU A BIRTHDAY PARTY. Period. End of Story. So shut the hell up and stop arguing or so help me I will send Didi after you to smite you. So, you wanna start planning it now? Lets pick a date and decide on a theme and plan the guestlist, because it's happening! Now stop moping. That's Despi's job, anyway.

P.S. I think your bald head is awful sexy. I can't even picture you with hair- I think it would freak me out! But if you wanna go wig shopping at the costume store that might be fun!... Desi just bought herself some fabulous long blue hair. And then after we shop for our big drag queen weaves, we can all go get our nails did. Yeah you know it. ;)

Anonymous said...

Michael, bald is beautiful, and we will be definitely celebrating your birthday because you are beautiful.

Anonymous said...

and, I hope I am invited to the party.

Chrysa said...

Yeah, if we could invite Anonymous to the party, that'd really be great.... ;)

Also, on the topic of "impermanence", this Sandman quote is for you:

I like the stars. It's the illusion of permanence, I think. I mean, they're always flaring up and caving in and going out. But from here, I can pretend... I can pretend that things last. I can pretend that lives last longer than moments. Gods come, and gods go. Mortals flicker and flash and fade. Worlds don't last; and stars and galaxies are transient, fleeting things that twinkle like fireflies and vanish into cold and dust. But I can pretend.

Spencer said...

I hate getting old and the hair I am losing and it pisses me off. Your birthdat hell you never know I might just show up.

Kalvin said...

Yes, use the impermanence where it is useful. No one will have hair forever. It will go away at some point for all of us. I like thinking about impermanence, but it has exactly the opposite effect on me. It makes me focus on now, and create something that I care about in the present, and not imagine that it's just going to stay the same. We all get older, and hey, older guys are sexier than vapid little chicken feet (well, maybe they aren't all vapid, at least I hope).

Phoenixboi said...

Im thinking about what you wrote about impermanence.. what's the point? the point is what you do, that's what matters, cause it all helps to make creation what it is.

Thanks for visiting me and wishing me well. I really appreciate it mate.

GO celebrate your birthday, Thank the universe for your time here and that you have made it through another year and by your very existence have helped make this world a more beautiful place.


john said...

I think age is irrelevant.