Happy Halloween (or Samhain if your a pagan)

It's been a while my kittens. Sorry but trying to renegotiate my life after :

1. Going to New York which I'm still planning on writing about
2. Seeing Dresden Dolls the Friday I got back
3. Seeing Bob Dylan the Tuesday after the Friday of the Dresden Dolls after I got back from New York
4. Going to Disneyland with my brother and sister Doll and James this past Wends-Saturday a week after seeing Bob Dylan the Tuesday after the Dresden Dolls on Friday after I got back from New York....

Whoo....well, it's been a hell of a month! But today is Halloween. It's a rather sacred time for us Pagans, and it's a time when I get together with the Fam and get all gothed up and go to dinner and look utterly gothy chic! Tonight will be no different. Dinner at 7 and I need to get my best goth gear out and paint m'nails black so I look ever so dead and lovely.

At work though, different matter. This year I did something completely unexpected of me and didn't go gothy, I went as....an Ace. Not the card sillies, but a Flying Ace. Don't believe me? Well just look below. (the field was lovely this time of year and my plane was....well ok it's me in my costume but I kinda mucked with the rest of the stuff in the picture)



So there ya have it. I hope that everyone's Halloween is a great one. It's the time when the earth goes to sleep for a while. A time to build thing for next year, start growing those plans, basically...Pagan New Years. Keep watching the skies....I'll be back for a safe landing sometime soon.

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be LOVED!!

Mercy, Mercy, Mercy (which inspired this post thank you Cannonball Adderly)

Now I know that all you groove-kittens are waiting to see what the word is on the Chronicals of New York, but that's gonna have to wait a bit. Why? Cause I need more time to wrap my brain around it all actually. I'm still in a bit of a spin here. It's almost Friday which means I have been back almost a week and it seems as if a day went by. Scary no? Well dig it babies, there will be the word, oh yes there will. And I'll preach it like no other. Tales to curl your hairs, make ya cry, make ya laugh, and maybe make ya smile. And yes, there are pictures galour.

Tonight though, I been thinking about a little somethin that bugs me off and on. Somethin that I can't seem to get much past in the last couple of years and that is..."whatcha gonna do with your life?"

Now when you're growing up you are asked constantly what you want to be right? I never said, I wanna be working at a coffee shop slingin' the joe for folks that may or may not care. I first wanted to be a surgeon. How's that for a kick in the rubber parts eh? Well that didn't work out cause school and I don't have the same feelings for each other. So I wound up wanting to be an actor. Ok, that's a groove I could dig on. And I did. I did that groove for over 15 years out of my 40. I wasn't ever a "pro", but I had my moments ya know? And I don't like the idea of braggin, so just have it on the lowdown that I have worked on two feature films...once as a featured extra which got paid for it. Then, it all came crashing down on me and I couldn't handle it much more. So, here I am a coffee pusher doin my best to get through it.

Now, lately I've been thinking which is dangerous as we all know. I started recording my buddy's blog just for fun since I don't have the dosh yet to grab my own hostings to do podcastings and I'm not entirely sure what I'd do there anyways. And it hit me as I sit there reading in my ... er ... library on a magazine about videogames. It was an article about voice work and actors that do it. Well there ya go. I figured, why not try and be a voice actor. I got the acting thing under my belt. I got a lot of different characters I can do vocally, plus a pleathora of dialects I can do reasonably well. Now the hard part babies...how do ya go out there and do it. That's the part I have to start lookin into.

But I digressed from the bomchicka I was puttin down which was this...if you didn't grow up to be what you wanted to be, what keeps us from doing something else that we might want? No one said that you have to do that 9-5 grinding forevr at where you're at right? So what if you change up the records in your personal jukebox a little and come back to the tunes you dig later? Maybe you wanted to be a jazz sax man (and who wouldn't?), but ya realize that blowin your axe isn't making the cash. So, dig the 9-5 business deal for a while and come back to blowin on the side til you can do the "Axin' is my life" for pay. Course what I'm puttin down also doesn't garauntee that there's cash in your pockets but hey...that's life babies.

Guess I'm learnin slowly that life is just a dream and you really gotta go out there and grab some of it. Hell, one little slice of my mind of New York that is ingrained at this point was walking down West 10th trying to get to Union Square by hoofin' it, and the earphones in as I slid down the street to my dance mix I pushed together. The whole feel was magic like anything could happen, and there wasn't a care in the world, just me and the beat and my feet and the street. And babies, I could see myself from outside myself and I was smilin all the way down to my toes which were rockin it out as I pedulated and swung it down the pavement.

And that my babies it what keeps me smilin right now. The knowledge that I may not be there, and it may not be the scene at the moment, but anything can happen for the best. Hell, maybe I'll try and learn me to play the sax and push some blues out there which is gonna burn up the night sky like a cryin' pheonix. And I garauntee ya this....somewhere someone's feet are gonna tap and twiddle down a street boppin and sloppin it with a smile in their souls.

Til next time groove-niks, hepcats, and lovely lovely ladies. Don't be worryin bout the changes that may come, cause you can always change em up again. Now get out there and do some livin'!

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

Holy Cr...WTF?!

And the hits keep coming my little kittens! Hey hey hey and a wompbamboo, cause I feel fully rested today and there's interesting news to report.

Now, for those of you that are looking for the dirty pictures, believe me I'm working on it. I wound up putting all my pictures into the puter last night from both memory cards of my camera.....yeah I took around 200 over 4 days! So, there's some editting to be done cause some are a bit too dark, some are bit too bright. You get the idea. And the chronicals of New York are definitely coming...just when I got home yesterday after work, I crashed hard. (anyone but me ever gone to bed at 2am, gotten up at 5:30 and went to work until noon?....long day, and I was loopy as hell even though I work at a coffee shop!)

So, this weekend is another liver bender. The illustrious and notorious Jeff Skybar is heading into the fair city of San Fran. I can hear my body screaming a little bit, but hey...when do ya get to see the Skyman? I'm not sure how much drinking is going to be invovled but I'm thinkin' that I need to find an alternative to driving ;)

And, on a more personal note, my friend D had started a blog about my nephew Brenden. (the cutest baby on the face of the planet thank you very much for asking even if you didn't so there neener!) I had the wierd idea to start recording them for fun. So, sitting here at night I would record a couple of the posts and eventually slapped them onto a cd in MP3 format to let him hear them. Well he liked them a lot. He liked them so much that they are now available on Brenden's homepage (this link is directly to the recordings). Now it may seem like shameless self promotion here, but honestly go take a listen because I think that D has a great writing style and if he liked my readings enough to put on the webpage?? In the words of Stan Lee .... 'NUFF SAID!

And then today at work, something miraculous happened that I am going to have be paying back for a long time not because I have to. A friend of mine was telling me about a local radio show that runs on Friday nights (that I didn't know about) and they had a call in to win tickets contest. So, he calls. He wins. He puts the two tickets for this Friday night in my name. Why? Because he had already seen them and hung out with ...... The Dresden Dolls! That's right babies, I finally get to see one of the most exciting punk/cabaret acts that rock my ears and eyes. I still can't believe he did this for me, but I'm going to see the Dresden's for FREE!!!! and this Friday!! I do appologise in advance to the Skyman for not seeing him Friday night....and hope that he understands. Now, I have to go and clean my pants because I just wet them again with excitement. That makes the 5th time in the last hour.

So that's the skinny and the poop on the scoop you hipcats and wild women. Now this groovecat daddio is gonna put his to pedulations up in the air to scope out the visual delights of A Prairie Home Companion movie.

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

Home little Fan?

So the only people that will get the title of my post here are friends that did Christmas Carol with me but...

I'm back...it's late...I have to be at work in 4 hours?

sigh....I am missin everyone and everything out on the East Coast right now. But I made it home safe and sound and there will be much blogging and pictures (only the clean ones so sorry but I'll find a way to direct y'all to the dirty ones *giggle*)

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

And away we go

Very brief note kittens. I'm about to embark on a fantastic journey here, full of wonderment and excitement. I probably won't have the chance to write until Monday here so....

Just know that you are all loved kittens. Each and every one of ya. If I had everyone's adresses, I would attempt to send at least a card from my travels. Although I'm not sure how whirlwind this might become...so this shall have to surfice.

Love and light to you all. I'll be thinking about you guys and ladies (yes Ladies) and I'll try and post as many pictures as possible or just direct it all to some other site where you can see what my camera-eye saw....well mostly ;)

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!!

One day more....

It's almost here. Matter of fact, I have about 12 hours before I should think about heading up to the SFO to check in. I haven't packed.

Way it stands right now kittens? Well I figure I got two options. I can lay down and take a nap..a long nap, and wake up get everything done and stay up all night. Or, I could always just go to bed around 8pm and set my alarm for "oh my god that's hella fuckin early" o'clock and drive up to SFO. Not entirely sure which I wanna do.

Crap....realization that I still have to go back to the shop one last time tonight and get orders ready for tomorrow so my boss doesn't have to worry about that. Well that and pick up some coffee for the trip. Yes my fellow bloggers....should I ever arrive in your fair city to see you on vacation, there's coffee a' comin!

Lately I've been trying to record my friend D's blog about my little nephew Brenden for shits and giggles. Guess I know why I downloaded Audacity now hehe. Well, I thought that they turned out ok, so I took a copy over to D's last night and he really seems to have liked them. This in and of itself has made me a very VERY happy camper. I swear I would be lost without folks like the fam and D & H in my life. Cause ya know what kittens? It sure as hell doesn't matter if you have a mansion or you live in a shoebox. It's all bout the folks that you love, and the ones that love you that make the difference in your life.

A silly post indeed....which is "A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury and signifying...nothing." (from Billy Shakespeare's hot new MacBeth....new on NBC this fall) But hey...it's the only show in town....

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD. Be Loved!

Almost...but not quite...and is there enough time?

Right....so this post has little to no substance to it. It's simply that I don't like having a depressing-ish post left hanging up too long. Now mind you, I do get depressed, and everyone does. All of us have our own issues and ways of dealing with them...I just felt like leaving things up like that for too long is like fishing for "sympathy" comments. Well, while they are nice, it definately is not what I'm all about.

Having so said, thank you all for the comments. It's nice to know that no matter where we all are from around the globe and country, I have very dear people that care. Gushy? Mushy? Well too bad because I appreciate you all very much. So there....take that....neener ;)

Two days time. I have two days to get everything ready to fly out to New Jersey and here I sit typing away. EEK! There's laundry to be done, packing, a few last minute items I want to buy for the trip, oh....and of course there's work. Goddess keep my brain functional! (did I mention I am feeling back to my pagan roots again latey babies? Well it's true) I have some of the things done, but two days seems to fly by me in a flurry like a swarm of gnats that suddenly fling themselves out of your way.

Am I excited? You bet your sweet bippy I am! (and if you don't know what a bippy is...ask) I haven't ever seen New Jersey or New York or the East Coast really. I have three days to be as wild as I want to be, go out on a weeknight drinking and clubbing, and possibly see an honest to god Broadway production!!! It's a little overwhelming to some degree. And yes, there is the camera as my constant companion and I hope that I don't look too much like a psycho-paparazzi while I'm there. I'm not really interested in seeing the typical stuff like the Empire State Building or the Statue of Liberty. Truthfully, I think that sounds a little dull to me. Now Central Park? You bet! The same for seeing Broadway all lit up at night....and Time Square.

So, if I don't get around to writing in the next couple of days, I will do my best to leave one last post before I head out on Thursday. The chronicals of this might expidition will be eventually posted with pictures...just not the incriminating ones. (this means that I will not post pictures of myself running down the street wearing nothing but a smile and my boxer shorts on my head)


Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

Issues

I should be alseep by now. I really should but I had two cups of double shorts at work tonight. Probably a bad idea because I'm feeling tired, but not sleepy, just fatigued slightly.

Have you ever had one of those wierd mood swings where you suddenly find yourself with issues? You know what I'm talking about...you started thinking about one thing and the next thing you know you're mind has raced over 100,000 different places and all of them are issue making. That's me right now. I think I need to coin a new term for this though because ya know, it's not depression...it's more like dissatisfication. Maybe it's a general malaise.

Ok, well I'm here anyways why not go the whole nine yards eh? I've had issue revolving around my dad who's been dead now for 10 years. Things that crop up from time to time. The worst of them is the idea of turning into him. It's not that he was a bad person, it's just that I said I would never lead that kind of life. He went to work, came home and watched tv, repeat until the weekend when he did little to nothing and the whole thing started up again. I SWORE I wouldn't become like that. And I look at my life... and here I am the guy that goes to work, comes home, repeat, on the weekend does little to nothing, repeat. I'm having a really hard time breaking this pattern. And yeah, it scares me because I'm not old. I should be running around with friends to bars or clubs or dancing or something it seems. Still....stuck like a piece of toffee in a cavity!

I keep thinking about all the things I should have done up to this point in my life. Not like saving money type stuff, just general things that I now feel like I lost the oppertunity forever to do. I should have been that wildcat guy 20 years ago who went out and got shloshy at gay bars making out with people he didn't know. And to "go there", I should have had lots of terrific sex..or even mediocre sex. Should have learned the way to go out and meet folks and date...blah blah blah. Grrrr. Now it feels like it's "too late" and I start hearing my dad's voice in my head. He constantly would say things like "Nobody wants me because I'm so old." Well that scares me too because the gay culture seems to almost be a youth culture.

We (gay men) are seemingly force fed the idea that perfection is that 20 something twink who's always looking like he just stepped out of some damn photo shoot. Well what about us average folk huh?

In Torch Song Trilogy, Arnold says "I think my biggest problem is being young and beautiful. It's my biggest problem because I've never been young and beautiful. Oh, I've been beautiful, and God knows I've been young, but never the twain have met."

Therein lies the problem. I know what he's talking about. It's like I mispent my youth and you can't go back and do it over again. If you try, you wind up looking ridiculous...well you can. Maybe that's just part of growing up? Damn this whole aging process hehe. I swear, I try to do the Merlin thing and age backwards but I'm afraid I'm not doing it physically. Still, I do think it's important to keep a youthfull aspect to life. Hell...when I'm 80 I don't want to be the guy shuffling across the street with a walker. I want to be that really old guy that veritably skips across the street with a major bounce in his step! (and I plan on it too babies)

Maybe I just need to get that out. Don't know. Not sure what my issue is tonight, but I wish they would just dissipate so I could get on with life and forget all this shit in my head. Goddess willing, with work that I am planning since getting back into my pagan roots...maybe all this negative thinking will be banished once and for all. In the meantime, it's nice to know I can hear my little sister's voice in my head saying "Oh get over it!" and it makes me smile and chuckle a bit.

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!!