Still thinking...but not that hard

I know that the last post was a bit of a downer. Just when I start thinking too much, it's like a tidal wave at times. Rest assured though, it's usually gone the next morning and all the comments are appreciated. Nice to know how many folks are there for ya when you sometimes feel at your worst.

My friend M'lady sent me this lovely ecard (and thank you SO very much for it) and mentioned something that we here in the US don't seem to do often or at all. What was it? Well have tea of course. I don't mean just drink tea mind you, but have a nice afternoon where you brew up a pot of tea with some fresh made shortbread (and yes if you make the tea I will supply shortbread!) and just have a nice afternoon chatting. We're all so busy, myself included that it seems we forget that the simple things like this can be the most lovely. I wish I had a place big enough to hold tea outside, maybe in a garden or just out on a back porch with dappled sunlight through the trees and having a laugh or seven with friends. Hm..maybe when I win the lottery I'll just throw an enormous tea party!

So I'm feeing a little odd about some of the things I said last night. Things I maybe shouldn't have said, but I don't think that it really matters much in the long run. I tend to keep certain things pretty private even to my friends, and I feel like I blurtted out what I shouldn't have. It's not to say I had a rotten childhood. Far from it. My parents staid together until the three of us kids were into college. I never got thrown out of the house or anything like that. I was always told that I could come to them with anything (which I still think wasn't true but that is the past). And, maybe more importantly, I feel in retrospect that I had a pretty damn kushy life up until maybe 10 years ago. The down side? I just never really felt like I belonged somehow.

I was always different from my brothers, thought differently from my parents, and usually I think they would shake their heads in wonderment at what I found interesting. No one else loved horror films. No one really cared about my obession with The Shadow. They supported my acting but I doubt understood why I wanted to do it. And it's wierd to think about right at this moment because it's not like it causes me pain, but it honestly makes me wonder how I turned out so radically different from all of them. Wierd huh? Probably why my friends were more family than my family to me.

Been thinking about so much lately that it's sometimes hard to put it all down into words. It's been about my religion, what's going on with K and how odd it all seems to get, the nature of art and why do we do it, and a lot of "where am i going?". Well one place I know I'm going is starting on Monday I will begin eating the South Beach Diet. Time to lose the little spare tire I've been building and hopefully get a little healthier. I still want to be looking extra good by July because this year is a big year birthday wise for me.

Now, I know that some of you have said (more than once heh) that age is just a number, and I do believe that. Problem is, sometimes I feel like I should be so much further along in life ya know? Course, a good question would be "Why?" and honestly, it's just been programmed into me. You know, by this age you should be done with school. By this age you're thinking about marraige or what have you. Well, seeing as I was never a really good conformist, and my life has not been what I would always consider "normal"...maybe it honestly all doesn't matter but damn it's hard to get over it. Sort of, all I know is all I know situation.

What I do know is that I can't wait for October (my birthdays over the last 20 years have not been stellar with a few exceptions) because I'm hoping to be down at Disneyland again. I sooooo need it too. Time to just relax and enjoy myself with my brother and sister. Time to be a 5 year old again. Time to be ultimately away from all the cares I have reguarding work and life and everything!

Until then, I'll just have to keep myself busy by watching my Blue Jays, catching Xmen 3 this weekend and waiting for Superman Returns, Spiderman 3, The Omen (ok so it's a remake), the Yoai-con in October and the release of the Nintendo Wii (their newest platform). Hm....actually sounds like I got a lot to keep my busy :)


Be safe. Be happy. Be loved!