I'm an idiot at times

It's a rare mid-day blog. Just had something stuck in my craw if you will and since I didn't know what to do with it, I figured I'd air it out a bit and maybe it would resolve itself for me.

I sometimes feel like I have done something wrong and don't know what it may have been. Feel like I come across all wrong sometimes and that drives folks away when all I really want to do is see if I can help. Now I know that in general, people just don't seem to do that. People don't just up and see if there's a way to help someone else get over a bad time or whatever. I do. I think I always have actually. I've been the "councilor" to so many of my friends over the years that I had actually thought about trying to get into being a therapist. Guess I'm a good listener or something and I actually do try and put myself in other people shoes to see if I could find a way to help them with whatever might be wrong. But I think I sometimes come across too strong on that aspect and it makes me feel like I push some folks away or frighten them.

Here's the deal, I'm actually one of the stupid people that grows attached to folks just by reading their blogs. Yup....dumb eh? You get a sense of someone reading what they write for the world to see. You see aspects of their personalities, and I think I'm a good judge of character as well from what I read. It's not like characters in a play where when the show is over it's all tied up nicely and neatly. It's their lives (and mine as well here) with all the nasty strings that come with it. I don't like to see folks hurting, and so when I read someone's site and they seem to be having a rough time of it, I try to give them words of encouragement or maybe tell them if they want to talk I'd listen.

The other side of this is that I'm actually somewhat easy to get hurt by things. I think we all know that we as people all want to be cared for, loved, liked, whatever. I've taken my share of slightings over the years and have a pretty decent rough shell built up for the public to see...but inside I'm soft and mushy and sometimes that little kid that doesn't get why no one wants to play with him at recess.

I guess what's really bothering me is that I don't know if I am doing something wrong, or freaking folks out by trying to reach out. I thought that was what we were supposed to do ya know? I mean isn't it? I don't do that for everyone mind you. There are folks (well customers actually) that I almost don't give a rat's ass about. Guess it's just hard when you stick out your hand to try and do something and find...they don't want to grab it. And yeah, it kinda hurts sometimes, but hey...that's life (or so I tell myself).

So, for all you folks that reach back out through the void and through the frey, thank ya. It's the little connections that make the world a smaller place and sometimes less scary. I'm still gonna be stupid and put my hand out. I know that for a fact. It's just in my nature, and I'm sure I'm gonna find that hand hitting an empty void from time to time, but I'll be damned if I stop trying.

Now if I could just figure out why sometimes I feel like I've done a bad thing by doing this sometimes.