Sunday, June 18, 2006

Oish....rambly bambly

Photo by Kelly Stern

Now, we all know what time it is right? It's Pride month and I've had a lot of oddly mixed feelings about it lately. For one, my local PBS channels don't seem to be running that much "gay programming" this year like they had in recent years. Sort of disappointing because there are few places (not having cable) for me to see documentaries, or what have you, on gay and lesbian folk. I resort to watching the movies I have on hand, and the ones I get from Netflix and GreenCine but it's just not the same ya know? Then, there's the whole issue of I feel like I should be doing more like going to the San Jose Pride (which I slept though) and trying to be supportive. Well, I will be making it up to SF next weekend and meeting up with some fellow bloggers (Hey there Rey *grin*).

So why talk about Pride again? Well it was something that Alden over at Secret Simon was talking about and it just struck a cord. He said, "Be careful not to drown in the celebration lest it lose it's meaning. It does happen." and I tend to agree with him. We get all wrapped up in the partying sometimes and forget what I feel Pride is suppose to be about. I know I've said it before but to me it's a time when all those lovely gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc folk get together and say "Hey! Look, there's more folk just like me and we're ok." Now that instills me with a sense of pride. Parades? Sure I love it and I will probably be taking my camera and snapping pictures of the gorgeous guys, and ladies, and drag queens et als....but just to be in that vibe of "we're all one". Man, talk about a sense of ??? not power but just, well I don't know what. (and for those of you that haven't read Alden's site, please go over there because he's a very lovely guy in all senses)

So nothing else is really new here. Work and work. I went up to SF tonight with some friends to hit two places I wanted to go. Did it work out? No. We wound up at Virgin Megastore (well ok...I like browsing music and vids), but then when we walked over to Lush it was closed (which I suspected it would be). Then we tried to make it over to the Castro to a shop I wanted to browse in....closed. So, the trip for me was actually a complete bust. I didn't get what I intended to get up there so I'm going to probably drive my sorry butt up there tomorrow. Why go all the way to SF to buy soap? Believe me, if you have ever used Lush'd understand ;)

I realize lately I haven't been myself really. I'm not sure what the damage has been but I just haven't felt like my old self. I haven't even felt like a new self. Just been feeling a bit like a mindless Zombie wandering through life. I found myself bitching a lot more with coworkers and that's not right. It makes me feel like I'm two faced when I talk about fellow coworkers that are annoying me, but can't seem to say it to them because I don't want to either; A)hurt their feelings, or B)put up with the drama. But, seeing as I feel like I don't talk much to anyone, I guess I needed to blow the steam off. Still I plan to try and work on myself again and find some kind of happy medium so I don't get like that again.

And I feel like I haven't been a good friend in some ways either. I haven't been commenting for the most part on peoples sites that I read every day. I haven't emailed responces. I just sort of sucked down into myself and work. So...who cares eh? Well I do. I honestly love folks a lot in the fact that they play an important part in my life. Just seems that in not talking, I'm not being a very good friend. So here's a list of shout out that are sent with a LOT of love and hugs to :

My little brother Ryan
and Michael who's a majorly swell guy
Kalvin who maybe I'll be meeting this weekend at SF Pride
and Rey who I'll definately be seeing
Alden although I don't really know ya
Brad who keeps my Southern heart buring bright
Steve who I should be commenting more on his blog
Brad who has them sexy feet and is a partial inspiration for my weightloss
Spencer cause he's just too damn cool (and he better know it)
M'lady because she is an amazing woman who I love reading
Ari who bring a sense of gentility to my life
and to Jim who's not back to blogging yet..but I do adore ya.

I feel like I am forgetting folks, and if I didn't mention your name I'm sorry but just know that everyone that stops by here...well I appreciate it. I wish that these were actually little homes because I'd have all y'all sitting out on the porch, a pitcher of Iced Tea and probably some kinda homemade cookies wating. Just sos we could sit a spell and jaw it up and have some laughs. And ain't that what life really is about? People. People and the friendships we form. So, I'll be waiting with the Tea (or coffee heh)...y'all come by whenever you want.

Be safe. Be happy. Be PROUD. Be loved!


Brad said...

Yeah, I've been missing you lately, Michael. But, you know, I always keep the porch light on for you, just so you can find your way.

Save up your melancholy for December. That is the best time to get good and depressed. (At least for me it is!)

I hope you're having fun today.

Rey a.k.a. "Mr. Secret" said...

Well, here's a great big hug right back atcha... And you're not being a bad friend or any of that nonsense. We all wade through our crap every now and then, and it takes some time to return to normal. Lookit me, I took a little break from blogging, started to really love a relationship I was in, and returned to blogging, broke up, and now all my blogs are *sigh sigh sigh*... I'm not back to normal yet. We're all susceptible to being in a funk. You'll make it out of it... and if not, next weekend, I'll have to whip you out of your funk.

Ryan said...

thanx bro 4 the phone call today i needed the big bro advice and needed 2 ease my mind it wouldn't listen 2 my heart. sure hope this comment is long enough!!!!!

Michael said...

Brad: Them hush puppies are just about to come out of the frier..what time you droppin by :)

Rey: I'm so with ya right now. I think I may actually rip the town up a little next weekend and damn the following week heh!

Ryan: Ya know I love ya tons and I'm sorry that this shit keeps happening. Hopefully it will all drop off and life can just get back to being whatever it is heh.

Anonymous said...

Hey! :o) GREAT POST!!!! Thank you so much for your comment, I really appreciate it, I'm so glad you like my work! AWESOME BLOG! I'll for sure come back often. HAPPY PRIDE! :o)

Joe said...

Glad to be reading again!

It's too bad that you're mission out on Logo! It's got some great GLBT doccumentaries on it. What's your fav doccu/movie?

There are definatly a lot of bloggers talking about pride. I won't be able to make it this year, but I'm convinced that I must go next year. Let me know how it is/was! (and how the eye candy is/was ;) maybe post a picture of two for the rest of us? haha)

Kalvin said...

Aw, that's so sweet! Hmm...staying sober over pride...well, I don't think that's what Alden or you were saying, but hey, I'm already thinking that I don't want to get too carried away. Hopefully we will meet soon! And I get teary at almost all pride events (oh god, I am such a fag) so maybe it's the same thing you talk about feeling.