Photo by Kelly Stern
And it just keeps getting surreal. I mean really y'all...my life is getting too damn wierd at times. There's drama at work, and I'm afraid that I'm slowly turning into a real bitch there. Yeah, yours truly has a slow and long fuse but it's getting used up little by little. Course, what do you want from someone that would probably be described as a workaholic?
Hadn't intended to write about this but I gotta get something off my chest here. See, at work, I do a lot of the orders (most of them), and go out to buy things for the shop, and help customers, and try and listen to the staff when they need something. Then I get to go home right? Well sort of. I hate, absolutely HATE, leaving orders or lists for shopping for the following day. So, I go back in the evenings and work up my lists, get the shopping lists ready, the orders ready and lately a lot of time on the weekend I just go down there and hang out. People think I'm seriously nuts but I say, if it saves me time the next day when a vendor calls...it's worth it. But, I'm there too much. I can't seem to be away from work and not worry about the place. I'm scared that if I go away for more than two days it's going to fall apart, or orders won't get done (or done properly) and little things will fall through the cracks that I am supposed to be in charge of. What's worse is I don't even know if that's the way it's supposed to be. And things do fall through the cracks because I'm getting really tired of it all....but it pays for me to be in a place to live, to eat, to occaissionally do something exciting, etc. And I still want more...well more money, paid vacations, sick time...but it's a friggin coffee shop and I guess I shouldn't complain because over all I have it pretty damn good.
K left today. His time in my city is done. He was only working contract and tonight instead of seeing him off like I thought I would, I wound up hanging out with my friends at their house. I know that things wouldn't have ever worked between us, but I did like the guy and I hope that he'll at least call from time to time. It was a fun rollercoaster ride while it lasted I suppose. Maybe the next time it will be an honest to god relationship thing instead of a one sided affair on my part.
And, I'm woundering and pondering and thinking about moving. It's not that I hate where I live, but my neighbor really freaked me out today. Freaked me out enough to make me consider moving (and how the hell am I going to find a place for all my plants if I do?!). I don't really know what his problem is anymore, but he's starting to scare me a little. I don't know if he was drunk or what, but I woke up to hearing someone in my patio (and these are small places) trying to get in my studio. I mean the guy kept putting the key in the door and trying it. Now maybe he was so gone that he thought he was in his place, but my patio looks nothing like his so it's kinda hard to make that mistake. I didn't say a word and pretended I was still napping but damn y'all...that really freaked my shit out! I'm considering asking my landlord if I can change the locks on my door at this point but all this may just be me being paranoid and a bit tired and needing more food and sleep lately. I don't know.
And I know I may be hit by someone for saying this but I'm scared slightly that I'm losing the fam out here. I know that everyone has scheduals that conflict. I know I'm a pain in the ass to get out of my studio. I also know that I haven't heard from any of them lately and..well...maybe it's all just bad communication lately. I don't know but there is a gut instinct that says something is way up and I'm not privy to it. The worst of it is that I was really looking forward to going to Disneyland with my brother and sis in October. Can't imagine anything worse than doing Disneyland all alone so...I don't know.
God I'm a whiny whiny fag tonight. It's Pride weekend and Rey is going to be in town, along with a lot of other bloggers that I will probably meet this weekend. I'm hoping that I'll be able to escape all the wierdness that seems to be around me lately and just have some fun. Lord knows, right now I feel like I could use it. That, or a sweet guy to fall in love with me, or just a guy that wanted to cuddle. :) Hopeless I tell ya...I'm a hopeless romantic still.
Be safe. Be happy. Be PROUD. Be Loved!