Easter bonnets...or maybe just a baseball cap

I wish I knew what had affected my nose tonight. I'm sneezing and conjested. It's really a pain in the ass to tell the truth and it didn't start until after dinner. Can't blame D & H 's cat because I had two cats of my own before. I think it's our wacky California weather actually. Pressures going up and down, rain most of the week with one nice day tossed in, and then it gets cold again (well for me it's kinda cold). Ack! Yeah...happy Easter huh?

Easter is usually spent with D & H but since they are out of town, not sure what's going to happen tomorrow. I don't have any money until Monday and every year I have put together an Easter basket with stupid little toys and some candies for them. I don't know why I do it, I just do because partially it's fun to try and sneak up on their house and drop it on the front porch without them noticing. Sadly, there is no basket this year. So, I think I'm going to leave them some of my Tulips for their Easter suprise. Oh hell, I may go all bat ass crazy and just pull out the credit card...but for now the Tulips will have to do.

Funny but this year marks the 6th year I've known D and it sometimes seems so much longer. It all started with at Valentine's day card, and now look at it. He's going to be a dad in a few months, and after a long time of me being a fool...I have my friend back. Maybe that's why I do the Easter baskets for them. I mean, I do love H a lot. She is truly amazing and if I were straight, that's the kinda girl I'd probably want to be with. She was a customer of mine at the shop for a long time, and I inadvertantly introduced them to each other six years ago. How the hell does time go by so fast? Now, I can't think of one of them without the other, or talk about her without mentioning him ya know? God I love em. Gonna be a whole new ball game though once the kid is here. Kinda makes me a little sad thinking that I'll never had one of my own, but I think I probably make a better Uncle than a father. Sides, I can spoil the kids and then go home hehe.

Speaking of K (which I wasn't yet), he did show up on Friday. Of course, he shows up when we're relatively busy but I did find a decent out to go and fill up the sugar at the coffee bar. So, I got to talk to him a little. He had forgotten to check his calendar, which is a good thing sort of because he was the one that mentioned it, but then it got wierd again. I asked him if he had big plans for the weekend and he said, "Oh, you know...dinner with the in-laws." and twirled his finger as we all do when we want to show a lack of enthusiasm. I didn't know what to say after that. I mean, he doesn't have a ring on his hand so I doubt it's a girlfriend...and why if he had a boyfriend would he accept an invitation for a date? *scratching head* I mean, I did ask him out didn't I? Asked him to go see a play with me and..well he hasn't said no. It just keeps getting a little more confusing.

I've thought a lot about that lately too. If he has a boyfriend, I would hope that he would have told me. Does he think that I'm straight? Does he think that a straight guy just asked him to go see A Chorus Line (hello musical!) with him? I swear I've done everything but say, "You're really cute" to him thus far. I doubt he's that clueless ya know? Unfortunately I didn't get his phone number. I have no way to get ahold of him or talk to him until he shows back up in the shop and it's eating at me a little. Not that crazed stalker way, but just in a sense of wanting to know exactly what I'm getting into ya know? I'm partially not sure what to do about all of this. The one thing I do know is that I'm just gonna keep on plugging along until he does mention a boyfriend and then I know that again it's going to be a "just friends" kinda gig.

On the other hand, there is a guy that started coming in recently but he seems a lot younger than me. Nice enough guy and he works at a philosphic/metaphysical bookstore. Now, granted, a necklace doesn't mean anything these days and what with that annoying "metrosexuality" thing (which oddly really bothers me)...who can say. My sis and brother Chryssa and Dave both think that he's gay though...and he does seem pretty nice and ... well (said with a slightly pained expression to signify that a date with SOMEONE is better than not dating at all). We'll see. I'm done holding my breath over all of this though. I know eventually I'll meet someone, well I have to keep a positive outlook cause .. well cause I have to.

The world is too full of negative stuff ya know? I mean, if you look at the act of writing something, or speaking, or hell even thinking it to yourself...it's a form of magik. Why? Because you brought something out of the nothingness. The moment your pen (or fingers on a keyboard) make letters appear...well they weren't there before were they? You actually made something physically appear from absolute nothingness. So, with that sort of theory, (and I'm not saying wear rose colored glasses here folks) maybe the whole thinking positive aspect really is an important thing. Sure, you can think "I'm gonna win the lottery.", but it probably won't happen. But the act of thinking that something good is coming....well who knows? Or the act of saying that everything is going to work out alright when it seems the bleakest. Hard act to make happen sometimes.

Course, that brings to mind this whole idea of peace and my personal hope that we'll all one day see each other as just another human being. It's hard to remind myself that sometimes. There are folks that just get under my skin and you try so hard not to dislike them but they make it so easy to dislike them. Yes, I'm still going on about that customer and what he said about my shirt. Why? Not because I'm obessing about what he said, but rather about how I need to change how I deal with him. By keeping this anger towards him...well I'm just creating more negativity. I don't want that. No more friction (well except that good kinda friction ya know heh).

All the wierd things I was taught as a kid and the ones I learned later on in life keep coming back to me. "Love thy neighbor as you would love thyself." from the Christians. "Do as thou wilt as long as it harm none. This is the whole of the law, and the law is Love." from the pagans. "You must learn compassion for everyone. How do you do this? Think of everyone as your mother, because they are." from Buddha. Hard stuff really. Hard to walk that walk when I talk that talk sometimes. Maybe that's why he was the JC and Buddha was the Buddha huh? Hell, I don't know, but they sound like they had it a little bit more together than I do heh. And isn't it funny that both are thousands of years old? Hmmmmmm ;) (not to mention the pagan aspect which predates the JC stuff)

Well Happy Easter y'all. I hope that the Easter Bunny brings you all good stuff. He's probably bringing me a guilt trip because I told my mother I'd call her tomorrow lol! So if some of you get a frantic phone call from me....just talk me down off the skyscraper I'll be standing on and we'll all have a nice Easter day ;)

Be well. Be happy. Be loved!