oo ack

Well, that was strange. Maybe strange isn't the right word for it. Maybe, bizzar or shocking or even....oh wow. No, I didn't to talk to K yet (damnit). I left my studio to go down to the shop so I could drop stuff on in the mail. When I pulled out there were three cop cars around where I live. Cops always make me a little nervous, even when I haven't done anything wrong so....I didn't want to know who they were visiting, or why. Now mind you I am cat nature so of course my head was spinning a bit with ideas of what had happened. I figured maybe some of the neighbor's kids had finally gotten into trouble.


So I went to Frys and I hadn't actually planned on buying Kingdom Hearts II, but they had it one sale damn them! Oh the pain and agony of having only credit card with me but what's a gamer to do? Yup...I saved maybe 10-15 bucks off the game so I thought it was well worth it. What I had gone down to buy was more blank DVDs so I can back up the computer, but ya know how it goes don't ya? There were those snazzy DVD cases for 8 bucks and I could use them...and of course the labels so I can make cool looking DVDs..hm, more money there, and I figured "Oh what the hell I might as well pick up the game guide while I'm spending like a madman."...so I did. All because I wanted some blank DVDs to back up this beasty here. Le Sigh. Only good thing about all of this is that I should be getting repaid for what I just dumped on my card for the shop! So, now lighter in the pocketbook, I head home.


As I'm walking up to my studio here, I see two cop cars in the drive and my neighbor talking with some other folks. Well, turns out that the neighbor two doors down from me died. Really kinda a wierd thing to find out cause I didn't know him and had only maybe run into him once since he moved in. What makes it worse is that he had pretty much just moved in. Now two doors down on the opposite side of me was the dead man's best friend who I think found him. Talk about a sucky thing to wind up doing, walking in and finding your best friend (or any friend for that matter) dead. I feel like I should do something but, having never really met the guy I don't know what to do ya know? Still, I feel bad partially. I mean he had just moved in maybe a month or two ago ya know? Ack.


And I keep thinking lately about age and getting older. Yup, it's the birthday thing coming up in a few months and I'm not ready completely for this one. I mean sometimes I feel like I should be "acting my age" but I have no idea what that really means anymore. I just act like me so, if that makes me immature (cuase who doesn't like a good fart joke from time to time), so be it. I guess it bothers me because we really are a youth oriented society.


Now, I do have some stuff that I put on my face to moisturize it. I am a bad one for getting my skin all dried out sometimes and so I thought I'd try this stuff right? Well it works well and in the process, those little crinkly lines around my eyes have started to not be so apparent. I thought, "GREAT!" ya know? I mean who doesn't want to look younger? But that's also sad because it sometimes seems to me that gay men age at a much more rapid rate. You're "old" when you in your mid-thirties. Is it just me that sees this? Scares the livin dookey out of me because that means I missed out on all the "golden years". So now, sometimes I feel like a dirty old man when I look at a gorgeous guy that's 18 and have wicked thoughts about them. But it's like it's programmed into us that the younger ones are more attractive (which I know is bullshit but that's the way it feels at times). Granted, K is probably close to my age luckily heh. I wouldn't say no to a romp in the hay with someone that was 18 or in their 20's but I doubt that I would be found attractive to them and I definately don't think I could actually date them. It's bad form to date someone that much prettier than you ;)


My but how I rant and rail sometimes.