That's SO Monday!

Dear god it is over....finally Monday is over! What a bitch. Ever wonder what it would be like to stand at work for 5 hours with only the sound of your customers? Let me tell ya...not pretty. Our cd player crapped out on us so, yes, 5 hours of the hum of machines and patrons in the cafe. What did I do about it? I just bought the shop a new cd player. Sure, I was reinbursed but I am not going to listen to that lot and get all cranky and bitchy over it another day. People seem to like me better when I'm smiling (and sometimes dancing behind the bar).

So D&H are safe, sound and home. They were zonked after the hospital stay and I should have realized that. I actually talked with H a little tonight and she seems more rested (apparently they got very little sleep in hospital because of nurses and the folks they were sharing the room with), so that's good. I'll be greeting my new little nephew tomorrow evening for the first time! (Thank you Alden for the advice by the way) Yes, I'll have my camera, but I don't think it's fair for me to post pictures of the little bugger here without parental approval. So, I'll ask :)

My little brother Ryan is feeling a bit down today, so I thought, hey...everyone go over to his site and give him love babies! (and if you don't...I'll snap ya in two like twigs heh) Seriously, this is one amazing guy and I know I say that about everyone but Ryan ... well he's my little brother. And yeah, I love him tons. So go over and make him smile ok? (cause he's got the cutest smile let me tellya!)

And whilest at Fry's tonight, I picked up something so maaaaybe there will be a podcast in my future. Grabbed me a USB headset with microphone. The airwaves may not be ready for what I have instore. Actually, no one may listen to it after the first show but damnit, it looks like a fun endevour. I may eat my words after I get it finished though.

What else? Hm....yup...nothing. Other than if you run across a movie called RAVE, keep running. Listen, I went to raves. I even went to raves and got all bent out of my mind on E (and that was 6 years ago thank you)...but this movie. Eck! Predictable, characters that are so stock movie characters that you know what's going to happen to them before the film is halfway over, the acting wasn't bad but the storyline was just rotten! It's so damn moralistic that I could puke! I liked raving. I had a blast doing it. If I could I would consider going back but I think that someone that's 40 is going to look a bit out of place. Oish...if you want to see what raving was like for me, watch Groove.

So, with a bad movie under my belt, and the hour for bedtime coming closer, and the need to heat my hot pocket (dirty buggers...my dinner I'm talking about), and the hopes to watch a bit of a good movie (Ok, so it's Animaniacs volume 1 but who's counting) and get to bed....I suppose I should wish ya all a good night. Let us hope that with the music going tomorrow, the rest of the week goes swimmingly.

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!!

It's over?!

I should be in bed right now, but there were some trinity marks to find, beasties to kill, big bosses to try and defeat and the damn Hades Cup to win. Yes, it was a Kingdom Hearts night. I swear this game is destine to make my eyes bleed out of their socket! But hey, I wanted to play it so....

I'm hoping that everyone's weekend was ok. Mine? Well babies...let's set the scene shall we?

Saturday I am supposed to go and see D&H and the new baby at the hospital. I call to see when I can come up and was told that there were a number of folks coming that afternoon. Ok. Fair enough. I decide that I'll just see them all when they get home. No biggie right?

I head up to the city with me buddy J to see A Chorus Line. Traffic is lite. The night is pretty well shaping up to be groovin. We finally park and go to grab some dinner. As J heads off to find the bathroom at the restaurant, something says in the back of my head "Go check to make sure he locked his door." I think that I'm being silly and we don't have a lot of time before the show. Dinner is swell, the show is .... well it looks kinda dated and I thought that the actors could have put more into it. The crowd that night though seems to think that it's the best performance of anything they have ever seen in their lives. (I swear...it was just ok and that from a theatre/actor perspective) So off we go at the end to drive home. BUT...

There sitting on the sixth floor of the parking lot is my car. Nothing seemingly wrong until I realize that my lights are on. "Aw shit! I left my lights on." Yup..dead battery. Now you would think that in a parking garage the attendants would maybe have some jumper cables wouldn't you? Ah hells no! Not to mention all the "lovely" people I asked who brusquely said "No!" when I asked if they had any. Luckily for us, Triple A was speedy and we got home all safe and soundishly. I drop him off and dive straight into..not bed but Latter Days. Why I thought it was a good idea to watch a movie at 12:30 is beyond me but once it was started there was no turning it off. I swear I love that movie.

So here we are....Sunday. I feel all brain fried. I call D&H to see if their home. No answer. So, I call D's cell phone. No answer. Leaving messages I say for them to gimme a call when they get home. I proceed to begin the great videogame marathon. Much later in the afternoon, after no reply, I call both numbers again. Same thing...no answer. Getting a bit antsy. Back to the game. Out of the studio to do some stuff at the shop. Call again...no answer. Getting worried. Go to the grocery store, buy dinner and far too many snacky things but that should last me the week. I finally call one more time at around 8:30 tonight....STILL no answer. Well let me tell ya I am officially worried and a bit freaked. I have no idea if they're home, if she's still at the hospital, or what the fuck is going on. I swear if he doesn't call me tomorrow there is gonna be some hell to pay! (yes I imagine horrible scenarios that I won't go into but that's the nature of a worrying Jewish Mother...now finish what's on your plate because there are starving children in Africa)

So, from a nice Friday night dinner with friends for yet another damn birthday this month, to realizing I should have been listening to my instincts, to hoping I shouldn't be listening to my instincts. And the damn weekend is over! What the hell...I say we all rebel and just take the entire week off and call it a weekend eh? What say you all? If we all tell our bosses to go to hell then what can they do?! Oh....yeah...right....I have no one to call in to because I'm the morning boss. Le Sigh....

Well I am hoping that everyone else's weekend went fine. Mine was definitely odd to say the least .. well, it just didn't wind up working how I thought it would. But hey...there is always next weekend eh? That is unless I am attacked by a giant Anaconda somewhere between here and then.

Wowsers....me thinks I should go to bed.


Be safe. Be well. Be Proud! Be Loved!!

Woo hoo baby....Friday!

Woo Hoo Chittlins! It's the weekend. Yes indeed we made it! Babies, I need it too. This whole week was waiting to see when D&H would have the baby. You'd think I had been the father (or mother perhaps). Well, yesterday around 1pm D called me to tell me that everything went fine and baby and mother were fine! YES! The little one was around 9 pounds. So much for little huh? Still, tomorrow I get to go up to the hospital and see them all for the first time. Gonna be a bit odd to see H without that big of a belly anymore.

So, I think that this weekend I'll try and post some new pictures I took of the garden. Sadly, it's been slowly withering not from the heat but just because that's what certain plants do. The Gladiola have done their thing for the season, but my rose bush is pumpin out a new blossom (or three). Now I just have to figure out if I can do a "winter" garden. Haven't tried that yet.

And there is the question of some memes that I owe. Rey had sent me one years ago...so long ago I actually had hair on my head! Have I forgotten it? Um...*blush* well not really but...uh...yeah. And Brad hit me with one for ten words that begin with S and describe me? I'm pondering that one as well..and do made up words work? Hm....

And I get to see A Chorus Line tomorrow night. Final show of my season tickets. And then Dresden Dolls on Sunday?! Yup, free instore signing and acoustic set (from what I remember) so it's going to be a bit of a busy couple of days but I do know this...

Tomorrow....Saturday...there will be no alarm. There will be sleeping until I wake up naturally (and it better not be at 8am). There will be babies to see, leaves to rake up in my yard, and then theatre to go to. Now if that ain't a kick ass weekend I don't know what is. So my little doves of delight....I'm going to plop my slightly tired ass down on the futon for a bit of a movie so I can get up and shower and shave and have a dinner with friends (yes, another birthday...jesus this month!). In the mean time, while you're waiting on me to finish fixing my hair (and I do mean the few remaining ones)..

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

a quicky...we hope.

While blogger is allowing (it's all wonky on this end of things tonight), I want to say thank you for your comments about yesterday's 5 minutes. I hope that I can figure out how to keep that post at the top for a while, but I'm not terribly computer literate, nor blogger literate either.

Tomorrow is baby day! Yes indeed, in a few hours a lovely little bundle of boy will be delivered to my friends D&H.

I recently bought my first pieces of artwork. They arrived today and I'll have to post pictures later. I'm not sure how much longer blogger is going to like me.

I do have plans for a longer blog session, things on my mind, things I want to say, the need to re-update my damn blogroll which keeps increasing as I meet more great folks. So, if I don't get around to commenting much on your sites, I'm tryin'. Just getting a bit daunting at times.


Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD. Be Loved!

Five mintues of your time

I have a request of everyone that reads my blogsite. Just humor me for all of five minutes of your time. That's all I ask. Just five ok?

Since today is no different from any other day as far as I'm aware of, and since there is no great significance to anything happening today, I'd like to ask you to do the following.

Just for five minutes think about everyone out there in the world, everywhere. See all of us silly humans running around this rock. Then, envision peace. Think about seeing all the fighting stop for five minutes. Think about people seeing the face of their "enemy" and seeing their brothers and sisters. For five minutes in the life of this rock, think about a world where fighting would end.

I have no idea if this will do much. I know that there are my own theories on collective consciousness, that may just be the ravings of a madman. But maybe, just maybe the Universe will listen if enough people think it at the same time. Crazy? Who knows, but all I ask is that you try for five minutes today.

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved.

The countdown begins!

I don't remember who drew this for me. It was a long time ago but I just found the image again and liked it a lot


Oh my stars and garters but my studio is still like walking into the middle of the sun heh. I think I need to invest in a large fan but after last weekend, I think you'd be hard pressed to find one right now!

Joyous JOYOUS news tonight from D&H. Whilest dining at a fine establishment (a local pasta joint) on the finest of liquid refreshments and cuisine (a diet coke and some rigatoni that wasn't all that warm), I got a call back from H. The date is set!! On Thursday she's going to have the baby! To hell with turning 40 this past weekend! To hell with everything because two of the people I love so much are about to become proud parents. I can't think of anything greater right now.

Well, there was the fact that it is still summer. Oh the days of summer when returning from Costco meant pulling up to a red light and seeing a shirtless delight. Ah that tanned torso, and that treasure trail pointing to hidden bits of secreted delight. And the sag....the sag of his shorts revealing that blue pair of boxers which didn't quite cover the top of his ass as he walked away. This must be what summer is all about babies!

Outside of the call about the baby, it's been kinda a quiet Monday which was nice. I felt rather wiped out after my sweatfest yesterday (Hm..maybe Ozzy should change the name of his festival?). Yes, I'm drinking a lot of water. Fizzy Calistoga water is my addiction. Bubbly and refreshing. Oish, what am I an advertising exec? Hm....

And, sadly enough, this afternoon I came home to find sherbert sitting in his water. No...not sitting, kinda laying in it..and not moving. I knew I should have let him out in the garden but damn it, he was so damn little that I was scared someone like a bird or something else would eat him. He was so cute too. Oddly enough, he was the first "pet" I've had in many a year now. I know that he was only a baby toad, but he was cute, and mine. Luckily though, the person that gave him to me says that he thinks that there are more out in his garden so maybe this time?

Wowsers, hot guys and a baby date and it's only Monday! What the hell is the rest of the week bringing? Well, on Saturday I have my last show in Best Of Broadway and I'm actually kinda excited. It's a pre-broadway revival of A Chorus Line. (yes that dates me) I saw the show once when it came touring through Austin while I was in high school. Everyone and their damn dog knew all the words to "What I Did For Love" that year. Now, many many years later I get to see what I hope will be a good production in a proper theatre. Sort of makes me a bit sad that this is the last one of the season though. I really love going to see live theatre and I usually don't have the time/money to do it. I know that down here where I am there are two or three semi-pro companies but there's something about driving up to San Francisco and seeing a show. Hopefully my "date" will understand when I tell him that I have something of a ritual when I go and see shows now. Dinner, then the show, then a bit of dessert afterwards to sit and discuss the show.

Wow...they're going to be parents. Has it really been 9 months? Have they really been together 6 years?! Where did time go? Where did I go when all of this was happening? I guess it doesn't really matter much. All I know is that soon I'll be able to stare into the eyes of the future.

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

Weather alert...Friggin HOT!

Oh me achin head...an no, it's not from the drink. It's the heat out here. Yeah I know, a lot of you guys have it a LOT worse off than we do here in Cali, but when the temp gets above 100 here in my little hamlet... Let's just say that now at 8pm, my studio still feels like a Arabian Sauna! I couldn't do much other than lay down and watch a movie and sweat today. Still, not such a bad thing because hey, probably purged me of whatever ick might have been in me..right?

Thank you all for the birthday wishes. They mean a lot to me. Cause ya know childrens, when you get this OLD (hehe)...well *rolling eyes*. Still, it was a great day yesterday filled with chatting with folks on the phone, getting some prezzies, and dinner at the fam's. Matter of fact, I remember as if it were only yesterday

*a subtle shifting to crossfade the scene*
I had breafast and realized it was going to be hot yesterday. Weather service had said 98 degrees. Hm, I think. Yup. Hot. Before breakfast I showered and when not in the direct sun going to breakfast, it wasn't that hot at all. I come back home. I open the door to my sau...studio and do a little on the puter. I am now covered again in sweat. Second shower of the day and off to D&H's briefly. They are wilted on their couch watching videos.

On returning home, a third shower after trying to get read to head over for the dinner with the fam. And I did the unthinkable whilest driving in my car. I turned on the AC for the first time ever. It worked. I was happy. I arrive for dinner!

Seeing that where my sister lives was hotter than where I live, a decision was made to take the table into their bedroom because it was the coolest spot in the house. So, birthday dinner in a boudoir! Had an absolute blast, laughs, DElicious steak dinner (thank you so much again Chryssa), a missed pone call from Rey, and finally driving back home (still with the AC...I'm starting to think I could become addicted to it) I stop by the shop to pick up a present which was Sherbert. Sherbert and I brave the heat that was my studio and eventually after watching part of the Mahabharata, I drift off into the land of sweat...er...nod.


*crossfade disolve back to present day*
And there ya have it. Now I sit here typing and sweating again. I think another shower before I go to bed is in order. I'm just glad now that I dont pay the water bill here! (this of course includes the shower I gave my garden earlier) At least, if they didn't lie to me again, the weather service says it should start a cooling trend. Today was supposed to be cooler at 92 degrees, supposed to. On looking at the site earlier today, high was supposed to be 104! I have already talked with my friend M.Vent (the wind for those that don't speak French) to see if he could help us out by blowing all this heat somewhere else...like maybe over the damn ocean! At 8pm, the temp is curently 84 according to me Pixie but Nation Weather says it's supposed to dip to a more mellow 72. Let us hope they are correct!

So it struck me that I owe some meme's. One from Brad, and one from Rey from ages ago bout the 5 albums that influenced me life. Well babies, I will get around to them. I usually just sit down and off the top of my ever so clean cranium, I start typing. Perhaps if my computer hasn't melted into a goo of plastic, Sherbert and I will take these tasks to...well, to task. (is redunancy bad?)

Still, Thank you all for the love and well wishes that ya sent me. You are ALL the best! I'll light a candle, pretend it's on a birthday cake (although I had a Mucho Delicioso Peach Cobbler last night) and the wish will be this;

MAKE IT COOLER FOR EVERYONE! (oh and find me a boyfriend hehe)


Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

It's almost time

MARK
There Is No Future - There Is No Past

ROGER
Thank God This Moment's Not The Last

MIMI & ROGER
There's Only Us
There's Only This
Forget Regret Or Life Is Yours To Miss

ALL
No Other Road No Other Way
No Day But Today

WOMEN - MEN
I Can't Control - Will I Lose My Dignity
My Destiny - Will Someone Care
I Trust My Soul - Will I Wake Tomorrow
My Only Goal - From
Is Just To Be - This Nightmare
Without You - There's Only
The Hand Gropes - Now... There's Only
The Ear Hears - Here... Give In To
The Pulse Beats - Love... Or Live In
Life Goes On - Fear... No Other
But I'm Gone - Path... No Other
Cause I Die - Way... No Day
Without You - But Today
I Die Without You - No Day But Today
I Die Without You - No Day But Today
I Die Without You - No Day But Today
I Die Without You - No Day But Today
I Die Without You - No Day But Today

ALL
No Day But Today

I have no idea how to upload/post a song here so you can here what this sounds like but it's from RENT, probably my favourite musical. I like the words a lot. No Day But Today! Yeah babies. Ain't it the truth? And more so within the next 7 minutes to me.

By the time someone reads this, just about anyone, it will be my birthday. Yup, it arrived with little to no fanfair which is sort of what I wanted. I did get to have a lovely dinner and visit with my friends the Bs. And yes, I got my first birthday presents. I'll probably take some pictures and post them later. It's pretty late for me now, but the coffee from the shop is working relatively ok at the moment but it's hotter than hades here right now....and it's night!

Got a call from the illustrious Rey tonight as well with well wishes of a Happy Birthday since we're 3 hours apart time wise, it was my birthday there before it was my birthday here. Hm..does that make sense? I think it's getting time to go to bed here hehe.

So ya know what babies, I don't know what the next 40 years have instore for me. Fame? The love of my life? More of the same as it's been for the past 40 years? Who knows. I'm sort of thinking that it's take it as it comes and do with it the best you can. What else can you do?

3 minutes and counting. Silly to say but I'm planning on going to bed soon after midnight my time to dream a little dream. Dream of what I want to happen for me in the years to come, and make it come true. No day but today. Yea :) No day but today babies.

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

QUICK UPDATE AT 12:53 on July 23rd

Oh babies...what a day, what a night and what a great birthday! Thank you all so much for the comments. Y'all know how to make a young spring flower like myself just blooooom away hehe.

This is my new pet. His name is Sherbert. Why? Don't remember (no there was no drinking), but it came about when talking with the fam post dinner tonight. He's a wee froggy lad (I think...maybe he's a she!). He is SO damn cute though I had to post these. The first one is the close up, then the perspectice shot so you can see my messy desk and how little this bugger is!

BIG hugs and kisses to you all!

Oh Joy

What time is it childrens? PICTURE TIME! That's right it's the picture portion of our show here. The news will follow but for now....On with the show!

My co-worker just returned from Italy with a couple of prezzies for me that I wasn't expecting. One I was, the other I wasn't. The first was this tasty treat that tantilizes the tonsils and tongue! Not to be found in America yet, I give you, the Paprika Pringles! (and boy howdy are they good!)

Not to be outdone by some Pringles, she also brought back this flag for me (and one for my lesbian co-worker). Anyone speak Italian? If not, the word on the flag is pronounced Pa-Chay. What does it mean? Peace. My friends know me pretty damn well, and now I have to find a place to fly/display it.


So my garden, for those that follow that I love my flowers, has had some great Gladiolis but they are starting to die off now. You have to catch them at the right time because they only bloom for around a week. There were White ones,
and the last of them is a lovely purple color that will probably last me until the end of next week if I'm lucky. Those were the first and here are my last for the season.

But some of my favourites (yes I spell both Britishly and Phonetically) are my Heliotropes. These little guys smell so amazing that I have actually tracked down a place that I can order essential oil of Heliotrope to try and make some soap with.

And that's my garden and what's currently blooming. There are two rosebuds that I'm watching with baited breath for the time that they open. Now who the hell couldn't love having stuff like this around them? I'd take more pictures but I'm afraid that things are either not blooming at the moment or languishing in the heat lately. Besides, my Blue Bonnets (for all them Texans out there I did find some seeds for them and they are coming up) haven't bloomed yet but damn I'm excited for when they do.

Well now that I have had my excitement for the evening...seeing as I had my door open a rat had decided that he wanted to come in and say hello...ok...mental note to find some way to take care of that problem without harming the mouse/rat/whatever the damn critter was...

Today was D's birthday and I just got back from spending a little time over there with them. It looks like H is going to have the baby pretty dern soon. I know that she's happy about this because she said that she wants to be able to "eat like a normal person again". And sometimes she lovingly says to her stomach "out....out...out.." I can't believe that he'll be here soon. Much happiness!

The hot guy didn't return bearing T-shirt and bare chest unfortunately. And oddly enough, the other hot guy wasn't the one at the Burrito place last night. (although I'd like to sample his Hawian burrito!) And that brings us to tomorrow....D-Day. The last day of my existance. OH weep for me! (lamentations....lamentations....lamentations) That's right, tomorrow is the day before my birthday. This year it was a bit rough on me but I'm starting to feel good about it finally. The world isn't ending (although I have noticed that everyone has started looking younger), and I'm thinking that tonight is the night to repaint my fingernails because I used to paint them black....so tonight if I do it, it's Silver babies.

And I realize I don't often comment on the comments that people leave in my comment ..er...place. hehe But I wanted to and I figured now was as good a time as any right? So,

Jon....YOU are the one that is amazing doing what you do! Making artwork out of what people would normally consider trash is truly wonderous! Thank you for all the kinds words you give me. Ya always make me feel like a million bucks!

Brad...sugar I think that in some ways we are two peas in a pod (well three if ya count Justin in there too). You're way too sweet and I love ya too bubba :)

Jeff Jeff Jeff....all that dreaming of the Mighty Oaks...(I lost your digits cause of a snafu with my email). All ya gotsa do is go outside and look up at the night sky and say "HEY! Knock it off already!" Oddly enough, it somehow tends to help ;)

Six....well of course I love it when the flirt back! hehe...Hm...seems that one of them already flirted back by commenting about people flirting back ;)

Sevensoft...well ya know I gotsa be intregued by the idea of what you tat must look like! And a fellow Texan as well?!? (not to mention a cuty) I'm cursious as a possum how you found my site, but ya better believe that I'll be peakin in on yours from now on. (show us the tat!!!!)

Stuckingfupid...ya know I love writing that actually. What a friggin hoot man! I was over reading your site and I'd love working among all those books....just not Mr. Peacock and perhaps he needs to be sent into the 616.024 section? (at least at our local library) How'd you manage to stumble across this site as well? Always curious. Ya crack me up man.

And that's about it today. In the need to eat and get ready for bed. Tomorrow being Friday, I'm not sure what's instore for me in the evening. I thought about a lot of things from the possibility of looking into my first (and probably only) tattoo to just playing videogames, to calling up friends and saying let's go have dinner tonight cause I can't tomorrow. At any rate, life seems back to normal-ish. So hang in there groove-niks. Life's got a way of bantering us around like we're all in a rollercoaster car, but babies, this ride ain't always that bad.

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!!

Maybe it's the weather... hmmmmmm

Grey skies are gonna clear up....put on a

Sorry....you caught me singing to myself again (and if I knew how to do it I would have posted it). Yup, I sing to myself. I do it in the car singing along with Cds, at home singing along to music here, in the shower, where ever. Singing is an emotional release sometimes. You can sing the blues, the torch songs, sing out righteous anger, or just him a little ditty cause you're feeling pretty ok.

So I don't know if it was cause I threatened to kick the collective asses of any negativity or what, but today was pretty ok all around. I finally feel more like myself and not all moody. It was slower than than grandpa trying to get an erection at work today. I mean DEAD! First time in years I walked out after work wondering if I had actually helped anyone. Wierdsville babies...wierdsville. And the day kept sort of getting better.

I got home to an email that made me realize what a putz I had been lately, and will have a lovely dinner with the fam on Saturday afternoon. Fuck presents, I just want to hang with my family.

Then as I went out to buy D's birthday cake (a little one for about 4 folks but it's gonna rock I tell ya!), I went to the shop to take care of my orders. There he was. Who was he? Hell if I know but there was a gorgeous face attached to an "Itchy and Scratchy" T-shirt underneath it. I asked him where it came from and he said that a friend had sent it to him thinking it was his. He looked at my Java Boy's T-shirt (for those in Florida maybe ya knows the place) and said, "I'd trade ya mine for yours." Well hell's bells kittens, I would have paid good money to just have him take his off right there! (and give me his phone number) But I joked and said that he probably wouldn't want it right now cause where I had been had been hot. He said, "No doubt" with a smile. Then, as I looked out our big windows, I saw him turn and look back inside. Was he looking at me? Who knows but I took that moment nonetheless. Now let's hope that he comes in again.

And the hits kept coming. Going over to pay H the money for the car I'm buying off her, I had a nice little visit with her. I realized I don't get to hang out with just her very often. Usually it's D and H ya know? Well babies...that woman is ready to pop let me tell you. They're going tomorrow to do the check up thing and hopefully we'll know better when she's gonna birthdicate.

So I drop by my local burrito joint and it's packed. I thought, "Aw shit..." but there was a couple of new employees there and one with a great smile and nice sleeve work on his arms. Yup...tats. I love em. Even still considering one on me but I digress. The guy that helps me looks at me and says, "Hey! Now you're in MY shop!" and after I get home I realize that it's the hot hot HOT guy that I lust after every morning! He's usually really quiet, and I always smile cause...well he's a hottie man. Blow my mind completely but he gave me the burrito for free! Talk about what the power of kindness to strangers can do huh? And babies, you better believe he's getting mondospectacular service tomorrow (and free coffee damn it!)!

With all this swirling around my little pea brain, it just goes to show that bad stuff happens, depressions come, but every now and then the Universe kicks it up a notch for ya in a good way. And tomorrow? Who the hell knows, but for now I got a tasty dinner cooling off slightly, good movies to watch, family and friends that I adore and who care about me as well...and even that old devil on Saturday doesn't seem to full of gloom.

Y'all all better belive that there's a ton of love bein sent out to each and every one of you tonight. Hugs are included free of charge. And maybe even a little kiss to go along with em if ya want it. (the cigs are mine though but if you ask nicely I'm sure I'll share...Jetboy heheh)

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD! Be Loved!!

Thought the fighting was overseas

WTF?! Did I piss in someone's post toasties lately? I swear if it's not one thing it's another (with all due respect to Gilda who I loved).

It wasn't work today. That went well. Granted, no one was tipping and I had planned on using that money to pay for my laundry but hey...whatever right? I get to the video store all excited to see Final Destination 3 (don't ask but I've seen the other two) and it comes out next week. So I settle on a movie that turned out to be pretty ok albeit pretty odd when you started thinking about it called Subject Two. I was all prepared to just come home, watch the vid and relax...here is where twist begins.

On one side of my studio is an older Chinese couple. They seems to have volume issues. What I mean is that their Tv is usually louder than anyone elses, same for when they are on the phone...and this afternoon? I come home to them fighting. She in full throated voice screaming at her husband who maybe got in a sentence or two, but I'm talking full on screaming..and in Chinese no less so I have no idea what the fuck is going on. This goes on for probably thirty minutes before the white trash neighbor at the end of my little complex (who can be heard yelling at his girlfriend/wife/whatever in language from both that would make a sailor blush) yell at them to quiet down. WHAT?! Like this guy has any room to say shit what with what I hear from them! Finally, after what seemed twenty more minutes of screaming and yelling in Chinese as I try and watch my movie...it's suddenly quiet. Definately not what I needed this afternoon let me tell you.

If I knew that I could easily learn Chinese (although from what I know it is actually a pretty complex language that also deals with inflections to change the meaning of words), I would learn it just to know what the hell they're always yelling about. I have nothing against them other than why the hell can't I have peace and quiet? The more I am here at "home" the more I have started wanting to be living somewhere else. The neighbor on the otherside is the one that tried to open my studio thinking it was his place when he was drunk a few weeks back. I mean when I moved in here it was quiet and nice and peaceful. Swear if I had the money I'd seriously consider moving although I like the ability to garden here.

I know that this week isn't trying to kill me or make me go insane, but it's been off to a really rough start and I'm hereby telling it to stop forthwith or I'm going to kick it in the balls.

And how were your days?


Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD. Be Loved!

Just not feeling it lately

I had a post on Friday, but I took it down. Another reminder that blogging when your tired is quite possibly a bad idea. Although, I liked the concept of what I had posted which was a selection of pictures that I had hoped would create a storyline. Not sure if it would actually float, and then I thought it was stupid to Saturday morning I took it down. Maybe I'll try it again later, I don't know.

I'll admit that I have been in a funk lately. The past work week what with painting, the Tony Monaco concert on Thursday night, a coworker that was over and hour late on Thursday morning, ... well there ya go. Not to mention I just want to get past this damn birthday thing and have it over and done with. Bloody hell, people have them every friggin day ya know? I just don't want this one for some reason. Maybe it's the whole age thing. Maybe it's that I keep thinking back to ten years ago when my dad was diing and what a horrible day that was for me. I don't know. The past does seem to slip in to my head a lot lately though and that's rather disconcerting for me. While I should be thinking about the future, all I can see is what's gone from me.

Part of me just wants to run away, hide in the woods somewhere, forget that society exists ya know? D & H are talking about moving away sometime after they have the baby. They said it was more like a little dream at the moment but I honestly don't know what I would do if they were gone. I may not see them that often, and probably once the baby is here it's gonna be harder for them to go out, but at least they're still here. And ya know what? At this point censoring myself be damned because D is the only man that I have felt like I truly fell in love with. It took me a long time to deal with that, but I love him very deeply and it would wreck me to see them move away. While I do love H as well, and she's be an amazing friend, I think that she always knew/knows that I will forever love D with all my heart. I don't give a shit if he's straight, and now soon to be a father. It's not his body I want. (Although I wouldn't mind) It's just the fact that, for whatever reasonings, he's been the only guy for me. Doesn't mean I wouldn't like a boyfriend, but they'd have to realize what I feel for D and not be threatened by it.

As as to me having that birthday thing? Well, who cares. I know that one of my friends that reads this is going to ream me possibly. I told her to cancel a party that she was going to throw for me. Why? Honestly, the more I thought about it, the more I just don't know if I'm in the mood to be around a lot of people that I used to know from my theatre days. They are nice folks, don't get me wrong. I've just been out of touch with most of them for so long that it just has started feeling wierd and making me feel really old. I just don't think that right now I could deal with that. Sweet as the sentiment is, I don't need a lot of people showing up that I used to know who I don't even know if I'll connect with anymore. Not sure if anyone else has had that sort of problem, but there you go. Hell, I'm not even sure if I'm going to be writing this week. It's like having a fucking operation and I just want it over and done with, but like anything, I have to wait.

There has been some good in all this blackness that seems to hang over my head lately. Ikea had my shelving units in stock. May not sound like much but it's already helped me out a lot in terms of space here in the studio. Now it's all about shuffling things around and re-organising and hopefully coming up with more space. My little brother Ryan had his birthday. Hope it was a good one. I'm pretty sure it must have been though knowing where he was and who he was with. And the nicest surprise was held in reserve for a low point just like this. My buddy Jim is back to writing. That one little thing made my night, knowing that now I can at least see how he's doing regularly. He's an amazing guy that rocks my world. I'm just glad to see my buddy back now. Made me smile.

Maybe I do just need to go and wander around in the woods for a while. Get away from all this concrete and consumerism. I've been thinking about that a lot, the going for a hike somewhere that has actually nature. Just spending a little time out there with no one around but me and trees and my Goddess and God. Hell, I may even take a sketch book with me although I draw for shit. Just something ya know? Some way to reconnect with the Universe instead of feeling so isolated from it. We'll see. Now though, it's time to woof down dinner and get ready for bed so the work can start again...

And the world just keeps on turning.

Weeeeeeenesssssday AaaaafterNooooon

I'm currently thinking of calling off the rest of the month and just jumping into August. Now, I'm not sure if I can actually do this, but damn y'all....lately I can't sleep well, I'm having wierd dreams again...and I could just get the hell through the rest of July in one fell swoop and breath easier.

In reading folks blogs lately, there's a lot of .. well I don't know what to call it other than it seems like there is some bad juju just generally floating around. Maybe it's these "lazy" (yeah right) days of summer? I don't know. I'm feelin all shagged out lately but I know after this week things will ease up a bit. Maybe then I can finally get around to doing those rituals I planned on. Hey, sending out good vibes and trying to work magik when you're tired just doesn't cut the mustard let me tell you! In short, I wish that my arms were big enough to wrap around the world lately and just squeeze everyone a little bit, myself included.

The birth of the little peanut (as I heard him referred to by D&H at some point) is getting closer. They're basically on baby watch hehe. It's amazing to me to think that in this short amount of time I have known them I have seen them both grow exponetially. I know that they're going to be amazing parents, and I get to dote and be an Uncle of sorts. Pretty exciting to me but I also know that I'll be seeing less of them for a while. Hell, I only live a few blocks away so you better believe that I'll be calling them to see if I can drop by and play with the little bugger.

So what's new in my life? Well...plans, and schemes, and dreams, but little of them getting accomplished yet. I'm just biding my time to get to a bit of time off. (there are a lot of folks that are taking time off the end of this month at work) I have this dream of taking say three days off and on the second day of not knowing what to do with myself, actually doing some writing I have put off. I tend to write in spurts, usually when my brain will allow, so it's slow going. And there is the wreck that is my studio that still needs a massive re-organization. Actually Spence asked why I don't do it on the weekends. Well hell's bells man! During the week I am at the shop usually twice a day and then find myself with a little free time at night. Weekends therefore become time for just chillin out.

Oh but I ramble. And I should know better than to try and blog after I get off work because I'm tired and I'm sure it's going to come out all goofy but...hey, that's my life to some degree. Now if I could just get a handle on this time issue and work it better. The calls I plan to make I suddenly find myself looking at a clock and realizing that it's waaaay too late to call folks. I guess I just need to get off my ass and push myself again, or more, or something hehe.

Ah hell...this afternoon though? I ain't going to push much of anything other than the play button on my dvd remote because ya know what? This little baby is tuckered. So....

Hm. Where did I put that copy of Latter Days? :)

Be safe. Be well. Be PROUD. Be Loved!

Oo ack

So here I am sitting around thinking to myself, "where did the weekend go?" Another one lost to the realms of unkown. I swear I look forward to them and then I do little if nothing with them. Wierd huh? I could have used it to clean up here, or drive over to the ocean, or just ride my bike around but no...it just seemed to vanish.

I just got finished downloading some more Cat Stevens because I foolishly started watching Harold and Maude last night/this morning in hopes of drifting off but I got sucked into the movie. Every now and then I forget what a great singer/songwriter Cast Stevens is. Like I said, it's a lot to do with lyrics for me. Check out the lyrics to Don't Be Shy. It's the song that opens Harold and Maude. hell the whole soundtrack is brilliant. And there's something in his voice as well. It sounds desparate sometimes, longing, and then you hit something like If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out and this wierd sense of peace just washes over you. I miss me some Cat Stevens.

I am so not looking forward to the work week. I know that no one really does but, the moment it's here and I can't do anything about it, I know I'll be fine again. Then again, if I took a week off I doubt I would use it productively. Guess I'm just stuck in a rut again. Probably something to do with one co-worker going to Italy and one getting ready for her wedding. Yup....some folks at the cafe get to get away from there. I just feel so bloody stuck sometimes because I have no clue what I would do for a job if I went looking for one. Feel like all I was ever trained for really was theatre and that doesn't really pay the bills. Sure I could go back to building sets and try to get back into acting, but what about eating and having rent on time? Just don't know.

Ack....one week from this Saturday and I'm not ready for that either. Part of me wants to just go butt ass crazy and drive up to the city and get hammered...but that's not really me. Not to mention the idea of driving afterwards. When did I get so dull and boring? Where did my sense of adventure go? Hell, I used to go all over the North Bay area to raves only 6 years ago damnit! Scary to think about but have I "grown up"? Did I somehow become an "adult" without realizing it? I so desparately don't want to be like my parents. I watched my father do nothing but go to work and watch Tv. But, it's safe here in the studio, and comfortable and I can take off my pants if I want and run around in boxers. Maybe it's all the not playing videogames lately hehe. I just don't feel like the age I'm about to turn in basically two weeks. Le sigh.

Alright I've depressed everyone enough. I'm going to see if I can kick some asses in Kingdom Hearts. Hell, I may just pull out Midnight Club and race around the city like a maniac. I tell ya, videogames are definately therapudic at times. Think I just need to get over myself and do something...anything. Feh. Maybe I'll just go to bed.

Be safe. Be happy. Be PROUD. Be loved.

S -A- T- U- R -DAY Night!

Ah me. I think I have found a new addiction. Yes, I have found podcasts. Now I really wish I had an Ipod and I know not to expect one on my birthday but a guy can dream can't he? At any rate, yes, podcasts. Some of the guys I had met over the Pride weekend (and why do I feel I need to capitalize Pride? Hmm) have them there podcast which equates (to me) to having your own mini-radio show. Now, I have to either burn them to disc so I can listen to them easier or sit here with the computer speakers blaring. I would actually choose to listen to them...on an Ipod hehe.

Have to say, that while listening to four different people's shows, it's amazing how varied a show can be. It's almost like listening to a good public radio station ya know? And yes...I'm slightly jealous because I miss theatre and being creative. Sort of something fun (although I know it has to be a fair amount of work) to put out there. Some way to put out music I'm listening to, come up with characters that I had long since forgotten. Just have some creative fun more than sitting around trying desparately to write up Captain Lavender.

Captain Lavender is a "superhero" that has been in my head now for around 2-3 months? He came about from a chat over dinner with D when we went up to see the Martin Short show. And from there, it's just blossomed the more I work on it. Problem is getting it all out of my head and on to paper. That really is the hard part actually. It took me until July 4, while driving, to realize his origins. And believe me, he may have a really ubergay name, but in my head he is tooth and nail tough. I'm sure that eventually I'll get around to blogging more about him/it.

The weekend is coming to an end (yes I know I still have tomorrow Sunday but I'm already thinking about this coming week), and I realized again that I haven't really done much. It's like the weekends come and Saturday is just a flash, a blink of my eye and it's say 11pm and I'm thinking "Where'd it go?". Did some minor work in the garden that needs more work though. I'm happy to report that my Texas Blue Bonnets have popped up and have been replanted to larger pots. That and my Chinese Lanters got replanted as well. I can't wait for them to both bloom. Currently the only blooming thing in the garden are my gladioli and heliotrope and snap dragons. I need more color damnit! hehe

So it appears that within a few weeks D and H are possibly going to have the baby boy! Exciting exciting to me. Surrogate uncle Shadowmichael. Sigh. I'm actually scared because ya know, I've never been around a new born before. Scared that I'll have smoked a cig and not washed my hands, scared that I would go to hold him and somehow break the baby...just wierd to me. But still, sooner than possibly expected. Actually maybe just in time for me to turn...oh dear...le birthday. Welp to tell the truth, it's sneaking up on me and I tend to forget that because there's a lot going on this month don'tcha know.

So that's about the excitement here. In other words, not much (other than the damn comic book store taking more of my money but I can't complain). Now if the Blue Jays would just pick up the pace and start winning again, the world would look even better. I want those boys to make it this year to the world series or even get the Wild Card position. I know there's still time so all you Blue Jays fans (*crickets chirpping*), send them good vibes!

I think I'm going to pop in my new cd of All India Radio and drift off to sleep.

Be safe. Be happy. Be PROUD. Be Loved!

Fit and ya know it

Oh dear god babies...I went to hell today (Costco) and it was an eye opener in one sense. Now, some of ya know that I had been doing the South Beach diet thing right? I wanted to shed a few pounds, and after reading the book (it's written by a cardiologist) it made sense as a healthier diet. Well I did the "Phase One" and it did seem to help. Course now I'm all about getting off me ass and doing crunches and exorcising more but I digress...Costco...and fatness.

If you haven't been to one of these places before, it's essentially a warehouse of food. Up and down the aisle there are people standing there with samples of this, pieces of that, you get the idea. It's actually an annoying and depressing place for me to go to because I see all these senior citizens who have maybe six bottles of booze in their cart, and maybe some crackers. I mean really...unless you are entertaining a lot, how much Rum/Whiskey/Vodka/etc do you need? I digress again. So you wander up and down the aisles because they love to move things around on you (just after you've figured out where they're now stocking the tuna fish!), and you're assailed by the walking dead. These people push their carts to the right of them while they are looking over at something to their left! Or, they leave their cart in the middle of the aisle so they can wander over but a bit of that sample of carrot flavoured apple juice. (yes I exaggerated that) Then there are the kids that are constantly getting in your way. I swear I had an easier time trying to get to a bathroom in Disneyland!

So today, my normal day to go for the shop, I had a light load in my cart (god does that sound dirty to anyone but me? I must have a filthy mind today), and wandered to get in the snaking line for the one checker I always go to. I love this lady. She always smiles and we chat and she calls me Mija. Love HER! So around 3 people in front of me was this guy that made me feel so UNfat it's not funny. He was probably as tall as me (6'4ish), but here was where things went wonky. It wasn't that he had a gut. No no no. From his neck down to his belly, it was just a slope. I'm thinkin maybe something like 25-30 Degree slope here, and he definitely had a largish lower section as well.

Now, the only reason I bring this up is that we are all somehow taught that the perfect shape is the Greek Adonis with flat stomach and rippling abs and (in my mind) a taut physique. (Nothing against big muscley types but babies, you get too big in the muscle department you've lost my interest) Oh we're supposed to be tan and brilliant eyed. Our hair should flow flow flow and shine. A picture of perfection.....yeah, right. Fact is that I felt skinny when I looked at this guy and realized that I'm not that out of shape. I could still lose a few pounds, but it's more an exorcise thing I think. But how is it that I see so damn many "large" people here in California? Hell, even in Texas I don't remember seeing this many folks of this size if ya know what I mean. And I start to wonder, if they don't care about it, why should I?

There is nothing wrong with being a "large" person. Nothing wrong with being overweight (not to my mind), but when you see folks that you know could do something about it and don't seem to care, I mean it really makes you wonder. Now I'm gonna do something here that may rile a few folks a bit but here goes anyways and I'm saying this cause I honestly believe it's true.

Kalvin, don't you dare think that you're a "large" person. This man is cute and cuddly. (I know we kinda talked at the party about me being on SB, but baby, you're fine just the way you are!) And I heard that Jetboy's doc told him to lose weight? From friggin where?! And this goes for you too Rey, and all the rest of the folks I met on Pride weekend (not to mention those folks I chat with via blogs).

Of all the people I know, I honestly can't think of anyone that needs to lose weight. We may want to (and believe me I could be in better shape)...but after what I saw today, I think we're all pretty much AOK. Sure, I like the skinny gothy pale boys. I like a guy that's in shape and tone. But ya know what? IF you are thinking about losing some poundage, make sure you're doing it for you. Only reason I started to try and lose weight was because I wasn't happy with how I saw myself. Now this guy at Costco? Well, he may have been what some folks would say was "fat", but ya know, if he's happy...I guess that's all there is to it. Truth is, he was also buying baby diapers and had a ring on his hand so guess what...regardless of his "bulk", someone loves him a lot. So, just think on that one for a while. Funny how life can kick reality into your brain at times isn't it?

Now where the hell did I put them Pringles?!


Be safe. Be happy. Be PROUD. Be Loved!

Oh heavens..I have a day off tomorrow!

Well I know that tomorrow is the 4th of July and all, but ya know, for some reason I just ain't feelin it. Granted, I have had some really great folks make offers for barbques, hangin out, lunches and even a pancake breakfast! Still, I have it in my thick cranium that I have to work tomorrow. While I have the day off, if I sleep in tomorrow, I think I'll be sunk on the old "sleep schedule" bit, so, probably just a movie for me tonight and then waking up a weeeee bit later than normal tomorrow. And don't ya just think that picture screams out All American! I'd be screaming for other reasons if I saw that but hey..I can queen out like the next guy.

I'm finding myself stuck on certain songs lately and then I realized why. I'm lyrically based. If a song is catchy, great, I may even dig it without know what they're saying. If I find a song that most people think is crap, but it's lyrics hit me hard in some way...it's a great song. I think it's kinda odd because a lot of people around me are more musically based. If it has a good beat, or interesting chord changes, what have you...they're into it. Well, right now I'm stuck on Travelin' Thru by Dolly Parton. Weird because I'm not really a country kinda guy for the most part, but then again my taste seems to change with the drop of an eyelash in the breeze ya know?

I've been thinking about Pride again, and of course the 4th. I know that I should be feeling some sort of patriotism tomorrow. I should be really be thinking about all the men and women in the armed services actually. While I do love this country, I'm worried by it as well. I was saying to someone in a comment on their site that I feel like I had patriotism shoved down my throat as a kid. National Anthem, Pledge of Allegiance, all of that ya know? Well it kinda sticks in my throat now days. I guess I'm worried about where this country is going and how long is it going to take for us to get back to worrying about things at home? And how exactly are we seen by other countries now, I mean we Americans? I'm still hoping and chatting it up with my Goddess that somehow we can get it together ya know?

Ah...enough politics. On to bigger things like my Toronto Blue Jays! Yup, I'm a baseball fan. I love watching the game but I play it for shit. I can't catch well, I don't bat well, and while I don't throw like a girl I definitely don't aim well (whilst throwing thank you...oish...dirty people). I just really want to see them get into the series again. We're doing well this year too although we lost to my home state of Texas tonight (BOO!). Now my buddy and little bro Ryan talks about Nascar on his site and says that he thinks no one really cares about it...so I thought in a weird way I'd talk about my sport and team. No...I don't like the Oakland A's and we're above them percentage wise so I'm pretty happy. But I tell ya, if the Jays get into the series this year expect to hear more about them from me cause I'll be on cloud 9!

So the baby shower was a bit of a let down. While there were babies there (not my friend's obviously), we didn't get to shower them. I was hoping maybe for a lot of sudsy water and maybe some finishing wax afterwards. Nope...just a nice gather of friends and a few family members giving prezzies to D & H. Mine unfortunately can't happen until the kid is born. I had planned on opening an account (hopefully something high yield) for them that would mature when their son is 18. Hell...if I ever had a kid, I'd be freaking about what kinda money I'd need when he got out of high school. And, let's face it, how many baby clothes do ya really need huh? So, there ya go. No pictures but it wasn't that kind of party. (no babies were made during the entire duration of the party, nor were any eaten, beaten, or hurt in the making of the festivities.)

I realized that I need to do a major look at my blogroll cause I'm sure I am still missing folks that I thought were on there. And for Darin at All Prep...I'm fixing the link tonight. Sorry bout that buddy. And I'm really thinking about changing this place a bit again. Not sure what I want to do with it but hey...it's like redecorating the apartment ya know? Takes a bit of pondering.

So....I do hope that everyone out there has a great Fourth tomorrow. That includes me Canadian friends out there (Jeff you wicked man you, and Kelly my smokin' buddy). Everyone eat up and rest up and relax and have fun. Just don't forget that there's a bunch of men and women out there doing a job that I'm sure none of us really want. (even if they won't let gays and lesbian serve openly)

Be safe. Be happy. Be PROUD! Be Loved!

Weekend Update

Just a quick update for hittin' the sack tonight because ya know, there are times you wish you had a camera with you (and weren't driving so you could take the picture). I drove up to SF on highway 280 which is a bit more rural to some degree. Always like it better than our highway 101 which is more like driving to through industrial-ish ya know? So I should have known it would be a cool trip when I saw a doe eating some dried grass by the side of the road. Just hangin out pretty as you please, not seeming to be scared by all the cars on the freeway. It was just really nice and I would have loved to pulled over but..wrong lane to get over in time, and no camera.

The trip up was nice and it was just a little time spent on the Castro (only buying one book at Different Light Bookstore). I actually found parking, which is a miracle to some degree, and popped in my quarters for an hour on the meter. So I wandered down to this little shop I had looked into when they were closed. What was it? Well there on Castro in gay central is now a Comic Book shop! Yeah baby! He's been open maybe 3 months but I'm glad to say that I saw a fair number of folks wandering in and poking around. I just think it's cool that I'm not the only gay man that likes to read comics. And, while I was there, this flyer caught my eye. Already been to their website. More coolness from the comic realm!

Go check em out. They have a FAQ section that sort of explains what they're doing. Personally I can't wait to see the first issue whether online, or in a shop. More money to spend (ka-ching ka-ching), but whether or not you think comics are "worth it"...I'm gonna read it. Pridecomics.

And then back homeward I wandered. Well, I did browse a few other shops but it seems that the Castro has changed a lot since I moved out here low these 20 years ago-ish. Kinda sad that most of what I saw were basicaly porn stores to some degree. There's still the cool funky artsty kind of stores there but it just seemed that everywhere I turned, you could buy porn either in print, or in some form of media. One shop even had old Super 8 movies...that's right...real film! Ah well....didn't stop me from buying a me new mystery and a cute rainbow bear at Different Light. And yes, it felt nice to feel "at home". Sometimes, ya just need to be a little bit gay :)

Be safe. Be happy. Be PROUD. Be Loved!

More to come

One more look at the gorgeous photo from Kelly Stern. I know that Pride is over but I really like the image. Go by and thank him ok?

Watch this space. Why? I don't know..just figured I'd say that since I started writing up my experience of the Pride weekend and hope to have it up sometime soon.

It's Saturday and I'm heading back up to the city for a short trip to the Castro. I've spent all week with straight folks and I am feelin a little need for some gayness in my life again. So, it's off to look at one shop that had a cool Wonder Woman Tshirt and probably back home. Well...that is if I get past the evil bookstore of Doom! That's right....Different Light Books. Pray for my credit card.;)

Be safe. Be happy. Be PROUD. Be Loved!