Wednesday, November 02, 2005

I have dis-ease

What do I mean by that? Well, let's look at how the word or phrase works. "Dis" meaning [Webster's definition number 2] "Not;negation in an active sense" followed by "Ease" meaning "1 Physical Comfort, 2 mental tranquility". Well great. Now, I don't feel well. I hoping it's just that I need to eat because I am a shitty patient. I hate getting the advice from people at work such as, "You should take Dayquill" because I know how to heal myself dammit. And I don't take medicine, I'll do it herbally thank you very much. It may take a little longer to get over stuff when I do this but I feel better about how I get over illness. Let's just hope it's that I'm tired and had too much caffine today. Even if it's not that, I'll keep telling myself that's what it is and therefore it will be so.

See, I have the audacity to believe in the power of the mind. If I think I have no more headache long enough and tell myself I don't have one...tends to fade away. If I feel a cold coming on, I tell myself I don't have time to get sick (and yes I do believe that to be true) and I don't. The worst that has happened to me illness-wise in the past 5 years (?) is sinus stuff during the wet season last year ... I think it was last year. Hell I don't remember but I generally don't get sick and I don't pump myself up with dayquil/nightquil/sudafed/asperine etc.

What a dull posting I have tonight and I'm sorry bout that. I'm just not in the best of mental states because there is so much going on in my brain lately. I just feel like I need to make my brain be quiet for say a day and maybe I can figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life and how to fix it. Yeah...I'm dissatisfied. All the things I want and I have no clue on how to get them. Granted, these aren't all things I can "aquire". Some of these are conceptual and some of it is me trying to figure out where the hell my life is going. On the path I'm on right now...I'd say that life is more like a prison sentence and I have no option for parole.

Tats is out of town and I'm still left wondering what the hell I'm playing at with him. The more we talk, the more we seem diametetrically apposed. I smoke, he jogs. I'm PC, he's Mac. I'm a pagan, he told me about going to church. I'm an introvert, he seem to be an extrovert. I mean really now. Wtf? Not to mention I really doubt that he's interested in actually meeting me but that's my evil brain working on me again. Hm..perhaps a sledge hammer would do it some good.

I'd think about taking some time off but now I feel like I need the money more than ever and there is never enough to do what I really want. So what do you do when you are trained to be artistic and find yourself needing a good paying job? Well...the way I feel tonight...you're shit out of luck. I can't even call in sick to anyone because I'm the first one there. I think I'm just tired. Feeling it down to my soul actually so I'm going to make myself some soup, pull out something to watch, and try not to think at all about anything.

7 comments:

Milla said...

The human mind and spirit is so much stronger then most people understand. So keep on with the way you treat yoyr self.. But do remember that some things can't be helped with herbals.

I think that you need to re-charge your soul. It sounds like that. But that is easier said then done. But if you can get out of town, to a peaceful place, even for just a couple of hours..then do it my friend :)

Take care and try to empty your mind on all these destructive thoughts for a while..okay?

Anonymous said...

You need to take time to recharge yourself. That's not very helpful in terms of literal advice, but it's quite true. Get some rest, take care of yourself, and see about taking some time off.

You don't have to take a full vacation, but some time away from the bustle of "real life" always helps -- like a long weekend. Rest, relax, do some fun things, don't try to plan it, and don't fret about anything (I know that's hard, but it can be done).

A mental respite accomplishes much, including emotional and physical renewal, so don't deny yourself a much needed break.

The Persian said...

well...I do not take over the counter stuff, and I wouldn't begin to know what herbal cures are either. I just grin and bear it..(I was raised not to even take tylenol for a headache..LOVE you mommy dearest!) but since i'm almost never sick it's no biggie.
About TATS...erm, well wishing you much luck, but please be careful I don't have a good feeling about this from what you have said. What the hell does single ass Jim know anyway. *BIG HUGZZZ* :)

Steve said...

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on the radio. Me thinks you just need a little down time. That soup and some solitude is a start. Feel better soon!

Anonymous said...

Your just rundown a vacation is what you need.

Ryan said...

gosh i hope u feel better soon i had my cold already hope i dont get anymore.

Miladysa said...

I think it is the time of year - out with the old and in with the new :)

Nice holiday - who knows what is waiting for you? I 'feel' something good is just around the corner :)