Saturday, June 25, 2005

Being and doing

I've had several friends tell me that I'm a priest and to get over it, that's what I am. Am I? Well, I do think that in some ways I am. I forget this from time to time. Tonight though, I think that all came to the forefront.

I'm a Goddess worshipping pagan (and don't care who knows it). Sometimes I do what I call "tapping into the universe" and things just come out of my mouth that I don't know where they came from, but they always seems to be what's need to be heard. I had gone down to the shop to grab a cupper after dinner and there was a friend of mine Jus. He's a satanist. Ok, opposite ends of the spectrum here but we get along well. I had recently tried to help him because he believed he was being cursed by someone. Well, tonight, it was different. His girl had broken up with him and he believed that all was lost. I don't mean that things sucked for him but literally all was lost to him. So after maybe 2-3 hours of tapping in and listening to him, I realized that maybe one of the biggest aspects of myself is that I am partially a priest.

I've always been the one people seem to come to for comfort and advice, and I rather like that. I can never take my own advice though for some odd reason, but I tend to give good advice. I guess I'm more empathetic than most people. I don't really know, but this whole thing made me realize how much I have to be greatful for. For some reason tonight, the advice I heard coming out of my mouth struck even me. Little things like the fact that I intrinsically know that what I believe in will never leave me or turn their backs on me. The fact that there are people that love me even when I'm a shit. The fact that we are all silly creatures here on this little planet.

Then there's the fact that I give my heart out too much sometimes. I don't really mind doing it either. Just leaves me rather vulnerable at times. Scares me to think about it at times. Then again, part of my advice was that if you don't go out there and give that part of yourself and allow yourself to fall for someone, then you'll never meet "the one". Seems that you really have to put yourself on the line, and that's a scary place to be. I don't do it well or often, well not in a romantic sense.

Sometimes, I dream of that one guy that's gonna always be there. The one that I can argue with and fight with, and then make up and say we're sorry to one another. (what? Me a romantic? Never) Untill he comes along though, this little priest will simply be happy with the simple things like my friends that I adore. My heart sometimes gets so full and huge in my body that I think it's gonna burst because of my friends. So color me happy.

Today was SF Gay Pride and I missed it cause I had to work this morning, but tonight? Tonight I'm proud of myself just for being me, not cause I'm gay. That's something worth being and doing in my opinion. So happy pride EVERY day to you all. It doesn't have to be gay pride, but just be proud of yourselves for what you do in your life.

Live and love babies. Live and LOVE!

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