Monday, June 20, 2005

Just got back from seeing Batman again. What a great film. I love the darkness to it. Better than anything was being comfortable with the people I saw it with. This does need a bit of explaination.

I'm a cat kinda person. I'm skittish. I feel really stupid around people sometimes, or I don't know what to say, or I simply don't have the ability to join the topic of conversation. So what does a cat do? They hide. They skitter behind furniture, or the look aloof and ignore you. I tend to do a bit of both. I hide a lot, standing there just listening and wishing I was anywhere but where I was. I find it impolite to just say, "I'm taking off" because it seems that the group (whatever group) is having a good time and chatting. First chance I can find though, I bail out of there like greased lightening.

Tonight, I had a really pleasant time with a couple that I dont know well. I didn't initially like the guy and I don't know his girlfriend really at all. I had history with the guy. My history is kinda tainted and I don't feel like going into that tonight cause it's late. Point being that we were all standing outside the theatre discussing here pregnancy. I felt really comfortable. It may have to do with Dan because I know Dan and he's my friend and blah blah blah. I'm starting to think that there is an ever so subtle shifting in my life again. Something good again. Something that's going to take me as a person a little bit further than I have been before. What it is, I really have no clue.

Standing by Dan's car discussing playwriting. I told him part of the idea I have for a show. I can't still divulge the entire concept to him because it sort of revovles (in my mind) around the two of us. I guess I'll get around to it later when I have it all more mapped out in my head because I need a straight man's perspective on certain things. Sure, I could write a straight guy's dialogue, no problem. It wouldn't be real though. It would be my interpretation of a straight guy's come back to what was said and I want the real McCoy. Just felt good to be discussing something creative again and feel those theatre pulls dragging from the insides again. Now it's just getting it written, or worked out a bit more. That's the hard part. There's no reason not to do it, and no reason to do it either.

In my past, my parents bombarded me with "you can do anything you want" and, "you are/were so good" (in reguards to theatre). Ya know what happens when you hear that too much? You begin to doubt what anyone says about you and you're performances. I could have set an entire set on fire, burned down a theatre in the process and my mother would still have told me how good I was. Guess that's why I'm so perfectionistic when it comes to theatre and things that are creative. It has to pass my standards. If I think it's crap but other people liked it, it's still crap. Makes it more difficult to do things sometimes. I definately feel I have to be Superman at whatever I'm doing, even if it exhausts me. Not all the time mind you, but for the most part, if I can't get it done or do it...well heaven help us. Seemed significant to say, but now I don't know where I was going with it. Maybe I will tomorrow.

Bad parts about Monday for me? I woke up late. I woke up and my clock said 6am. That's almost an hour later than it should have been. So, I busted my ass to get down to the shop, ripped through getting as much ready as possible and didn't open late. We open at 6:30. I did, however, feel rather off for the better part of work today. Next thing I knew though, it was time for me to head out to Costco, then off to home to do some emailings and whip up a mixdisc for a friend from the shop, and then I was off to see Batman for the second time, and now it's 10:16 and I should be going to bed. I'm not tired. Rather, I'm not sleepy yet. Where does time go really? I mean, shouldn't it slow down a little every once in a while? Worst yet, I feel off now because I saw a movie during the week at the theatre. That's generally my weekend thing. Day one of the six down....five more to go. Hope tomorrow goes a little smoother. I'm off to recheck my alarm clock and woof down a 7-11 sandwich. My, what an exciting life I lead lol

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