Thank you my Chryssa-buger for the picture that now resides in my profile. She's part of my Endless family (my sweet Delirium). For those that don't read Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics..well shame on you hehe. My closest friends are the Endless. I am Morphius for those that know them. Of course there is Desi, Didi (my radient sister), Delirium (my little muffin!) and I'm not sure if we've officially named Dave but I'm sure that they just haven't told me yet. So that's me collecting some goodies from the family including the covetted Toaster! (I had/have an on going fetish with toast....don't ask, or do if you're really curious)
I was going to put down in words how horrible I felt about two hours ago. Maybe it was lack of food but there was something else laying in wait. I had to go back to my shop to make up the orders for tomorrow (I hate doing it at the last minute) and wound up sitting outside with some friends. What struck me was how little they seemed to care that I was even there. How I started to feel again that I don't really fit in anywhere. They never really talked to me, but rather talked to each other and I just sort of sat there thinking to myself a lot. Funny how you can find yourself completley alone sitting with people that are supposed to be your friends. Funny how little I have in common with men that constantly say things like "Why the hell does she have to be a Scientologist. I would so f*ck her." Yeah...like I can just join right in on that one.
I keep feeling isolated and I know it's stupid. Fact is that these are more and more just people I happen to know from the shop but since my life lately has revovled around little else...they are my friends. And ya know what? It hurts. It takes a little bit of you and chews it around and gnashes your insides and then doesn't spit you out...it digests you and you get to take the other way out. I miss my family a lot right now. I miss the times that Desi and Didi and I would stay up late laughing as she worked on costumes. I miss long talks deep into the night. I miss knowing someone would be there when I got home, or when I woke up, or at least at some point during the night. I miss not feeling like I was isolated.
I know I have folks out there pulling for me. I know that I could pick up the phone and call some of them (who may or may not be reading this in Los Angeles getting pissed at me), but it's this damn bubble. It's my sphere of comfort that says "Careful how open you let yourself be because they'll tell you the truth and you may not be ready to hear it."
So...to some fellow bloggers a bit of truth, Jes I'm glad to hear that you had a great time down there cause I was a little worried, Cory I know you don't read this site but dammit man I like your words, Joe whenever you decide to tell them...if you need a friend I'm here for ya bud. And to all the rest of ya that have commented on this site, thank you. You're words mean a lot to me and are greatly appreciated.