This is how I'm seeing myself lately. Sure, it's Nightcrawler a groovy Xman but he's a mutant who has to deal with a lot of demons. I think I like this image because of all the hand reaching out, the priest's collar on Kurt, and fact that he looks so unable to help anyone of those hands.
I deleted last night's blog because, well it suddenly felt too personal. Maybe I thought it was just too lame as well. I'm just finding myself wandering a bit lost lately and I'm not sure where I'm going or what it is I'm supposed to be doing.
My friends that are pagans always have said that they saw me as a priest. Probable reason? I always try to help folks that I see having a hard time with life. Funny thing is, I have few options of where to turn when I find myself having a hard time with life. It's not that I can't call my friends, but something within me says that they aren't going to want to hear whatever it is that's bothering me, or worse, they will simply gloss over it completely. Where does the priest turn when he needs support? Well, I don't know anymore. I guess I could turn to my Dieties, and I do, but there are times when I simply don't know what to do. Maybe that's why I try and help other people out. It's so much easier to try and help someone else fix their lives.
I don't know if I'm even going to keep this up because it seems such a "downer" and a friend of mine once told me that no one wants to be around me when I'm like this. Guess that's why I hide away so much behind this screen, or in my studio when I'm dealing with heavy stuff. Behind my facades that I show the world, I don't have to hear the "what's wrong"s. Oddly though, when I turn into "priest" mode, the facades drop completely.
I know that I think too much, and usually with my heart and not with the logical side of my personality. Just about everyone I know has told me I think too much so it must be true? Well my thought right now is that if I am a mutant, or even if I feel like one, I do want to be Kurt because I could at least know that what I was doing out there in the world had some value. I'd know that I was trying to make things better for people, even if they hated me. Stupid idea huh? Still, I know that it's from my heart and not my head so...how can that be wrong, or a bad thing?
2 comments:
If you don't call me when you need me I will have to do something violent and desperate, like tell MOM on you!
Idiot, what makes you think I won't listen to your shit? I always have before. You are too smart to be so dumb sometimes, sweetie.
The whole thing about being a friend and loving someone is that when they are down you help them up. I AM YOUR FRIEND! Pay Attention! Re-read above when in doubt. Oh, and call me already!
Mon petit ami M. Cub. J'adore. Sorry for the french but...just what I came out with. Thanks brother. MUCH love to you baby.
And Miss Barrie...I know you'll simply whip up some kinda wackiness on me if I don't call. I'll call you soon. But read the latest entry. I ain't fallin a pieces yet folks :)
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