Poetry and emotion

I want to say so much that isn't allowed.
I've written poetry about it,
songs that I sing only to myself,
and all in the silence of my head.

There are times that I think things wouldn't have been so great if he and I had actually become a real couple. Things could have turned out a whole lot worse than they did. Doesn't mean that I stop caring and loving him though. Doesn't mean that I still sometimes wish that I could just be wrapped in his arms. Just wasn't meant to happen is the problem.

I'm sure that's all very cryptic, but it was sort of for me, and maybe you can see yourself in what I wrote somewhere. I read maybe 4-5 blogs daily, or at least check them. Seems that most people want the whole love thing to happen to them to. If not, then they seems to put a good front up saying that they dont, but I think everyone secretly wants more than anything else to be in love. Some of us just haven't had the chances to fall in love and have it returned. Nothing worse than falling for someone that you can never have, or who doesn't want you. But unfortunately, it's sort of a fact of life. Sucks..but it's a fact of life.

I went to see Harold and Maude : The Musical tonight. It's absolutely brilliant. If you haven't seen the film, go see that cause I think you're going to be hard pressed to see this musical produced very often. Great songs and I fell madly for the guy playing Harold. It was funny, and touching and did everything great that theatre should do for you. Unfortunately it made me want to be in love again. Sitting here now it reminds me that I'm alone when I come home at the end of a day. Not that being alone is a horrible thing, but I do wish there was someone I could call who was waiting up for me if for nothing else, just to say goodnight to.

God I have tons of work to do before Sunday night and I'm sitting here blogging. What the hell is wrong with me? heheh Funny how reading someone else's blog sometimes make me feel better, like I'm not the only one that feels a particular way, or thinks outside the realms of societies dictation. It's like checking up on a friend, even if I've never met them and probably never will. Just people that I enjoy reading about their lives. Of course this begs the question of "is that wierd?", but I know I'm not the most normal guy.

I feel rather rambly, but right now my mind keeps coming back to love. I'm a romantic at heart I guess. I tend to give out my heart a bit too quickly, but here's the real kicker on that...it doesn't mean that I'm in love with that person. Think that folks have a wierd sense of the phrases "love" and "in love" and they can't separate them. Say "I love you" to someone and they probably think that you mean "I am in love with you" when all you're trying to say is "I care a great deal about you and feel fondly towards you. You're important to me." Funny how semantics work isn't it? So I tend not to say those three little words much. If I do, I mean them.

Ah love. My best friend and my worst enemy. What I dream about, and what I fear sometimes. I guess that's my constant in this universe...the concept of love, and being in love, and feeling loved....but hell, who doesn't think of all that shit?