Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I honestly thought about just deleting the previous entry, but fuck that. It's me. Well, part of me. Part of the paradox that is me.

Maybe it's just that I need a mental vacation from everything. Maybe I need a real vacation (but I have to save up for that). Truth is that I did more thinking in the last two days than I have in a long time. What I cam up with is this. I'm partially an empath, and far to sympathetic for my own good. I've just been feeling things a lot more strongly over the last week or so than I normally do. It's equally good and bad. The positive is that I'm actually at a pretty happy place most days. My mood switches a little at work because I'm having issues with a coworker but hey...that's being human right?

I really do work best as a priest. That's the sad part. Actor...priest? Which am I? I have this really hard time separating, or rather encompassing these parts of me lately. Now, I have no clue why. Maybe the moon shifted phases and drifted into some odd orbit. Maybe a bird farted outside my window last week. Who knows. I just know I have been feeling more sympathy towards folks lately. Kinda freaky beacuse it does affect my mood. Ya know when you just want to reach out, grab a person and hug them to make them feel better? Well that's me about 80% of the time lately. The other 20% I can be a real rat bastard to people.

Example: At work there are a couple of customers that I found myself turning my back on. I don't mean not serving them, because I make my coworker do it, but basically walking away from. They drive me crazy and they aren't bad people. They just...need to cop a major clue. I don't know how else to put it. At work I'm becoming selfish and pigheaded that if things get moved on me, I move them back to where I feel they should be. I mean what's up with that? Usually I could care less. Maybe I should drink MORE coffee? Less? None?! (God forbid!!)

So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that to all of you that read this with some regularity, just bear with me for a little. Hell, who knows, maybe I'm pregnant. I hear you have massive mood swings. But I do appreciate the comments. I tend to think of the people that I read regularly as friends whether we know each other or not.

Just know I'm a moody bitch, and I love ya all especially if you can put up with my bullshit. If not..well...either you're a glutton for punishment, or... hm...dont know heh. I'll try and return you all the regularly programming already in progress.


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