I must be tired

My buddy Adam was talking about how hard it is for him to get to bed at a decent hour. Well I know the feeling. I'm having trouble getting to sleep lately myself. Why? Who the hell knows. I thought that if I ate early enough it wouldn't matter ya know? (If I eat too late it tends to keep me up) I don't drink caffinated stuff past say 7pm so that's not it. All I know is that I feel really restless at night lately. Granted, me being the idiot that I am will find myself involved with either the internet, my PS2, or a movie and not want to turn any of them off. Just hoping that I can make it an early evening tonight. Hell, I even wound up taking an unexpected nap today after work. Ya know what? I don't feel like it did any good. WTF?

Monday was rough, but today was just...wierd. I felt like I hadn't slept at all at work. I guzzled coffee like a drowning man with a well full of water. That's really not like me either. I tend to have 4 cups sure...but I just kept drinking and drinking and drinking and the caffine effects never made me jittery. That is actually a bad sign folks. By the end of the day, I was spaced out and tired so I hit the Hollywood to find a movie to go and relax to. Nada, zip, nothing good so I wound up with a copy of Jesus Of Montreal (luckily for me this one is subtitled) and two films just because they sounded like maybe they'd be interesting at least. Well, the film NERO was DULLO. Normally I like Roman Empire stories but this one just...I don't know. Dull dull dull and the cute guy on the cover wound up looking ... well not so cute but that's what I get.

I was thinking last night bout something Marianne Williams said on one of her tapes. She's a "self help" person and she was relating a story about how she had a really great day, and the next day she was one the phone calling a friend telling them she thought she had a brain tumor. Her friend's repsonce was "Marianne...you had a good day yesterday. You don't have a brain tumor. It's just backlash because you don't know how to have a good day." Well folks, I'm feelin the brain tumor day action lately. I'm all moody again and it's starting to really kinda scare me. I don't like flip flopping like this. Number one...it's really friggin annoying! Up one minute, distressed the next? Kinda thing that would turn me to drink, but I have to get up and do the work thing. The other reason it worries me is that both times I've felt like this bad stuff has happened somewhere. First time it was one of my patrons dying. Second time it was shortly before New Orleans flooded. I don't need any more bad shit in my life or in the world right now.

What I said last night still holds true. I don't really want to think about romance in my personal life because it only leads to me getting all mopy lately. But ya know what? It's really hard to push these things back in the box again. It's about the only thing that actually made me feel like I was "feeling" anything. Sometimes even that wierd pain is a good thing because it lets you know you are alive. Hell, I've been so random that I'm surprised that someone hasn't just put me in a funny farm anyways.

Ok....it's time to find food because I'm going to do something tonight I rarely do. I'm going to watch a Tv show. That's right...there's some wierd show called Supernatural (?) on the WB and i have to see what the hell it is. So, here I'll be, wrapped up in a blanket watchin the tube. Anyone that wants to come on over...well that would be fine by me. I wouldn't mind the company.