Too many thoughts

More than my life
I wanted to give to you,
but you never asked for it.
You slipped into my life and created a whirlwind,
I don't know if I can escape it,
and then slipped out again like a memory.
I've wanted nothing more than to be there for you,
but you are always there for yourself,
little time for me.
If you were to leave her now,
long time of love and devotion,
I would cry for the end of your happiness.
I only ever wanted your love.
I only ever wanted your friendship.
Your body is secondary to what is in my heart,
but these are the words I'll never say to you,
because I don't think it would matter.

Exactly what does it mean to be a friend? Does it mean you just hang out with someone? Does it mean that you can only go so far in exposing your real self and you pull back? I care about him more than I should and I know this. He filled my life with something once that truely changed me forever. He gave me hope. Now, I'm left wondering what did it all mean to him? How do I fit into his life, or do I? Hard to be on the outside (and it seems I am perpetually on the outside of everything) looking in. I just wish he'd let me in. Let me do what I do best which is ?? be a friend I guess.

I miss him, even though I talk to him and see him a fair amount. Wierd thought that you can miss someone that essentially is always near by. I couldn't stand it if they split. I really couldn't. I've lived vicariously through their happiness, through my friends happiness. I wish I could tell him that I loved him and finally have it make sense to him exactly what I meant by it. Have him finally realize that it means that I care about him so deeply that I would do anything for him, but that I'm not in love with him. Wish there was some other word, or form of communication to get through his thick skull. Then again, maybe he knows...I have no idea because he's as silent a stone.